I really love me some Japanese Porn. I mean half the time I don’t understand why some of the weird shit they do would be called hot, but regardless I love how creative they are. For instance this video I found today. A few guys cum in this japanese teens mouth, and she holds it there. Nope that’s not the end of it. She holds it there while she talks to someone on the phone. I don’t speak japanese, but I think the conversation went something like this.

Daughter: Hey Mom…gurgle gurgle
Mom: Stop talking with your mouth full!
Daughter: I can’t help it…it taste so good. I can’t stop…gurgle gurgle
Mom: What are you eating?
Daughter: This new gravy my friends made…gurgle gurgle
Mom: Bring me home some…I want to try it.
Daughter: Shit I got some in my eye!…gurgle gurgle

I love crazy asians. But if asian crazyness isn’t enough for you check out this video of a mom who cares more about her man cumming than her kid crying. That’s my kinda woman.

Ms. Max has just released a new gallery and I have to say, she is fucking beautiful. I mean I know I talk shit about sluts and whores and all that, but I really find her to be one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Check out this new gallery and her official site.

Mary Carey is smart, albeit slightly crazy. A few years ago I ran into her at the kick off party for her PPV series Can You Be A Pornstar in Vegas.

I wanted to compliment her on a great party, awesome show concept, and possibly strike a licensing agreement. Mary had other plans for our talk. About 3 words into our conversation she started talking about how she doesn’t diet and neither should I. …how fans prefer meat on their pornstars. Apparently, she misunderstood who I was and thought that I was a plumper porn starlet in the making. uh, no…but thanks?

After she had rambled on for 20 minutes, I felt uncomfortable about correcting her. I just stood there smiling as she preached her ideals for the industry. You could tell that she was planning to run for Governor of California again.

Marey loves soapbox. And bless her for being so passionate about equality in porn land. At the end of her speech, she gave me a hug and wished me luck with my career. I graciously thanked her and walked away needing a cocktail.

You should really check out Can You Be A Pornstar. Climb into the mind of Mary Carey. She’s smart and I think love her.

In my ongoing affection battle between hot cam babes, Sweet Victoria threw her photo into the mix. Sweet Victoria’s chest is simply hypnotic. How big do you think her rack is? Double D? I’ve been spending too much time on camwithher lately. Can you tell?

Thanks for being such a fine fucking babe, Sweet Victoria. I’ll be reading your blog this weekend, for sure. Please continue reading my mind on cam. xoxo

Ok. I’m overwhelmed with the beautiful photographs that were sent in by our kick ass readers. ….who all are all foxy babes, apparently.

This submission is from Crish of CWH. If you like hot skinny blondes, Crish is your BCFF (Best Cam Friend Forever). You can tell that she’s a real blonde by the peach fuzz on the small of her back.

Sweet Jesus, I love my job. Thank you for reading Pornzio, Crish! xoxo

So I feel the need to do some undercover journalism. I found Keiko today and her proposition. She claims to be a japanese student in tokyo that offers young…under 35 years old (sorry)…white guys free lodging in her small apartment. Here’s what her site says:

Hello my name is Keiko and I live in Tokyo in Japan. I have a nice apartment in Ochanomizu and you are welcome to stay with me if you are UNDER 35 and YOU ARE NICE LOOKING and YOU ARE WHITE. You can save your hotel cost (a lot in Tokyo!) and we can have fun! – but ONLY if you are a white guy. I do not want asian men, sorry.

What do I get??
I can have some fun sex with Europen, and American guys… what I love – they are very sexy and yummy! - Japanese men are pigs. Also, I want to practise my English with you, please.

Who am i?

I am student attending University of Tokyo, what is near Akihabara – studying IT and English subjects also. My studies are about 20 hours of time a week. My parents pay my apartment - and I can do anything because I am living alone. What else do I like? Yes, I like sex! Yummy yummy (My parents live in Osaka and they do not know! haha!). Also, I like music (Malice Mizer is my favourite), to drink too much (Shochu!! – Japanese drink), and I love all of my friends! I hate: studying - yuk – I want to finish studying and start travelling! I am 26 this year and so I want to travel. I am want to go to Australia first.

Other things?
YOU MUST BE UNDER 35 (I don’t want to have any men that are too older then 35 years old – I do not want my father!) ALSO, YOU MUST BE GOOD LOOKING AND BE WHITE – I LOVE WHITE GUYS. Yay! (^_^)

So like I said I had to find out more about this. So I wrote keiko to find out about the other million races she left out that aren’t asian or white. I asked her about myself…which I am mexican and white…so I should be able to participate half way at least right? Anyway I’ll definately post anything she writes back on here. This is fun. I really did send her a photo of myself so we’ll see if she says i’m an ugly fucker or not. Here’s what I wrote her:

Hi,

My name is CrackaAss and am really curious about one thing. I realize that you’re into white guys and not asians, but you’ve left out a lot of races with that statement. I’m half mexican and half white and would consider myself good looking. I’m wondering where I’d stand on your list and if I would be applicable due to my race? I’ll be travelling to Japan in December and would love to have lodging arrangements taken care of

I’ve gone ahead an attached a photo for you to go ahead and judge me. Hope to hear from you soon

Thanks
CrackaAss

Obviously this could be some 12 year old japanese boy putting up a site to fuck with all of us stupid americans, but still it’s funny none the less. When I think about it being a joke I always think of this awesome commercial.

Jordan Capri, who’s mostly avoided hardcore, recently had her honeymoon sex tape stolen by a “friend.” Bad for her but good for you! If you’ve ever imagined this cutie fucking hardcore, it’s time for you to watch this video clip and sign up to Jordan’s site…NOW!

Vegetarian woman are just taking it too far. Nothing is every good enough for these women. First of all they were meat eaters and totally cock hungry. Something about that steak just makes the ladies want cock in their ass at all times. Then that wasn’t good enough so they became vegetarian. Obviously since they were making changes in what went into their bodies this meant no more dick. So goodbye to dick, Hello to lesbians licking their vagina. And everyone was okay with this. I mean it had just become a part of life. No meat, means no meat. But now it’s going to another level. Now these vag-etarians, as I’m calling them, don’t even want other vaginas. No tongue on their pussies. Nope, just give them a big cucumber. No that’s not a joke. These women want only vegetables in their body. And we’re talking about in every orifice. Cucumber in the pussy, carrot in the asshole, and a banana in their mouth is a good day in Vag-etarian world. What’s next?

Here is some Vag-etarian Porn for your enjoyment:

woman has sex with corn on the cob
brunette babe stuffs her tight pussy with vegetable
asian girl shows tits toying with vegetable
blond babe vegetable insertion in ass outdoor
kream fucks her snatch with cucumber and squirts cum

If that’s not enough VAG-etarian porn for you be sure to check out Veggie Bang or Veggie Dip

Now I love our friends over at FuckingMachines.com. They throw some pretty sick parties, and a kick ass happy hour on fridays. But you guys have to give a guy a break. I know everyone woman will completely disagree with me, but you guys with your machines are just making it impossible to be a good lover. In the photo above, if you can’t tell, it’s a machine with a bunch of tongues attached to a screw driver. As you press the button the tongues lick your pussy faster and faster which makes Annie Cruz cum faster than japanes business man fucking a hooker. Not only does she cum quick, but she shoots her load right in Gary’s face.

Check out the Tongue Machine

While I was in Berlin for Venus 10 last week, I came across some interesting gay lube. A cool new company called Starglide had come up with Organic, Dermatologist Tested, and very Edible Lube. There’s a huge range of flavors, but my favorite was the Prickelnde (Tingle) Cola. The Germans are odd. I love them.

A long line of gay men (and I: the hag) stood there and had the cola flavor squirted on the back of our hands. We all licked it at the same time. And you know what? It really fucking tastes like cola! I couldn’t help but think that this would be the perfect gay lube for a spur of the moment rim job.

Think about it: Cola flavored lube is perfect for times when you know you want to get to know him better without really having to get to know him.

[Check out their entire line of lube here.] [Glory Hole Videos] [Rim Jobs]