GAYVN is being hosted in San Francisco this year. Not only is it in my back yard, but it’s being hosted by none other but Kathy Griffin. *sigh* It’s really too bad she didn’t go lesbo after that asshat stole $$ from her. Anyhoo…

If you’re going to be in town, the GAYVN Awards are on February 24th. The red carpet is being hosted by the fabulous Tim & Roma (of NakedSword). Some of you remember me posting about their fabulous talk show back in the day.

Speaking of NakedSword, they’re hosting the GAYVN Afterparty at the Kink.com Porn Palace. It will include dancers from Falcon Studios and Rascal Video. Chi Chi LaRue will be the dee-jaying for the evening. And clearly you’ll all come to party with muoi. Hellooooo!

Seriously. Don’t snooze on this one. It will be a night to remember. I’m going to start the evening off by trying to bang Kathy and end it dancing with the hottest gay boys ever. It’ll be just like prom!

I have got to find the planet that Katie lives on. Is there a ship that takes me there? Can I drive there? Do I need a passport to get there? What ever it takes, I will be willing to do it, because I have got to fuck Planet Katie. It doesn’t matter what she does or wears, because she is so damn hot. I like to think of her as every man’s dream or at the very least, my dream. She can be blond, brunette, an office slut, a schoolgirl whore, a sexy nurse, just wearing a skirt and thong, or jeans and a tee shirt, and it doesn’t fuckin’ matter. She’s like a sexy chameleon. I’m usually not one to want to fuck reptiles, with the exception of when I saw Mario Bros. the movie, but I don’t mind what Katie is doing… ever. Wait… yeah, remember Mario Bros. the movie? Well there was one chick in Dinohattan that was so damn hot. I wanted to fuck her until she shed her lizard skin. Yes, I was in the 6th grade when it came out, but I was an early bloomer. I thought I should clear that up for you. Anyhow, I present you with the hotness known as Planet Katie. She’s special, and you should beat to her. I’m going to do that……… now.

For the past 6 years I have debated on whether or not I should try out for American Idol. I’m not the best of singers, but I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t pretty fucking sexy. Isn’t that what really counts anyways? I mean, most of those kids are no talent ass-clowns, but they get to Hollywood based on their looks. Each year some one asks, “Toph, are you going to try out for American Idol?” And each year I respond, “No, I’m going to be fucking.” Yes, fucking is more important to me than winning American Idol. Well, that was until a few years ago when it was announced that Paula Abdul had sex with one of the contestants. Why wasn’t I made aware that I could Rush Rush into Paula’s vag? Or, that we could take two steps forward and one step back in the bedroom? Those are the only Paula Abdul songs I know, sorry. We all know that she loves her some weed, at least it appears so. After hearing that story, I figured that I, like Paula, could blend both my love for American Idol and my love for pokin’. Then from out of the skies, I found Desperate Popstars. I love desperate chicks. These chicks may be the worst singers ever, and isn’t that the best part of American Idol anyways? They are also really fuckin’ hot, and have lots of sex. There may not be a better combination, but yes, there’s more. The two dudes sound like Borat mixed with a donkey. Think about it. So, let’s recap, shall we? Bad singers, Borat, hot chicks, fucking, and Paula Abdul naked… oh wait… never mind.

I’ve seen Leah Dizon before.  I just had no idea who she was.  I think I even posted a photo of her when I wrote about Import Models.  Regardless, Toph sent her to me today, and I’m now got the girl I’m jacking off to tonight.  I’ve been told that there is an actual fucking and sucking porn video of her floating around.  And I’m on a mission to find it.  And once I do you know I’ll put it up here for your viewing pleasure. For now you’re going to have to be okay with the 14 galleries of Leah Dizon I found.  Well here’s one more for you.

That’s right, Dirt fans! Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston are going to give you the lesbian action you’ve been hoping for all these years. Set your Tivos, DVR’s, and the like.

You know that Courtney has just been waiting years to find a reason to kiss Jennifer lesbo style. Haven’t we all?! I wish that they’d just come out already, buy a house together, and adopt an Asian baby.

Dear Courtney and Jennifer:

You girls are so cute! I know that your secret love for each other has been on the back burner for some time now. I feel your pain. Now is the time to let your fans know. Be brave! Lesbian love is hot and more accepted than it used to be. In addition to it being super sexy, it would boost your celeb status 10 fold. TV needs a new celeb-lesbo-power-couple. It’s the right time to come out, ladies. Brangelina has nothing on your sex appeal. Fuck them!

You Go Girls,

lesbodojo

P.S. Cournifer?!

The infamous lez kiss should happen on the season finale of Dirt (which runs on the FX channel). Jennifer will play a lesbian editor at a rival celeb magazine. If you can’t wait until March, check out this archive of photochopped celeb pics. They make all your fav celeb babes look mad dirty.

William Shatner has been in the media for quite some time now. If it isn’t auctioning off his kidney stone, rapping in a priceline commercial, or just being roasted on comedy central he’s always around. The star trek captain has done it all. And now seems to be dabbling in the porn industry. To add to his huge book of things he’s good at…he is a bit of a photographer these days. Apparently he’s so good that playboy has asked him to shoot Miss May 1998, Deanna Brooks. The photo are pretty good and show off her big round ass, but I like the photos of Shat shooting. He’s all up in her boobage getting that perfect shot.

William Shatner’s Playboy Photos of Deanna Brooks

You know how your starbucks always has a super hot girl working.  That one that you look forward to seeing everyday.  Sometimes she even gives you a smile, and the dirty eye.  And you jack off to the idea of fucking her all week.  Yeah that girl.  Well at Cowgirl’s Espresso in Seatle they are taking your hot coffee winch fantasy to another level.  At the Cowgirl Espresso you wont see girls wearing white button ups and green aprons.  No you’ll see them wearing hot lingerie, bikinis, maybe even a sexy cop outfit if you come on the right day.

Check out these hot photos of the chicks who will be making my coffee everyday from now on.

Sappinin, sex-bots? I feel that it is my privilege, nay, my duty to bring you the hottest chicks around. How did I get so lucky? Well, I like hot, naked chicks. I’m not sure when my fascination with hot, naked chicks started, but I am sure it happened around the time of birth. I’m an equal opportunist when it comes to sexy, naked chicks. So, I’m Toph, and I will bring you the hottest chicks every week. I believe in you. Make it happen.

This is Valentina Vaughn. She first caught my eye when she posed on a pool table. I’m not even sure what she is. Mexican? Asian? Who cares, because she’s fuckin’ hot. There is something about a chick getting naked in a kitchen that makes me happy, maybe it has something to do with the kitchen being a clean, family environment. Then a little hottie goes in and splashes milk all over her and I can’t help myself. Thank god for kitchen porn.

Women are handy. And I want my girl (and her parts) to multitask like a fucking champ. Lia19’s nipple is so sexy and strong. We’ve all heard about setting a cup on a booty…but a hanger on the nipple is truly genius!

Utilitarian porn rocks, right?

I watched Savanna Samson’s movie, Flasher, the other night. um, HOT! It was great seeing Savanna portray a woman who reached orgasm by exposing herself in public. Savanna actually looks drunk with passion in this film. I highly suggest it to fans of girl flashing! Fast-forward until you get to the party scene with the other 2 girls. Just trust me on this one.

Flashing also brings to mind Melissa Midwest. She’s constantly being harassed by the police in her town for public nudity. Check out some of her public flashing galleries here. She’s been arrested for it, actually. Watch her real police video here.

Personally, I think flashing is really exciting and sexy. I wish that the US would follow in Canada’s footsteps by allowing girls to be topless in public. Who’s with me? Throw your fist in the air!