I’ve dated those prude girls before. You know the ones that you have to beg to go down on you, would never let you even touch the outside of their butthole, and that gag even at the thought of tasting your cum. Yeah well for some reason now that I’m older I forgot those kinda girls existed. Especially in this “the more whore I am the more people will like me” world we live in. So when I saw this video it brought back a lot of memories. Memories of chick’s I hated and wanted to skull fuck….but still. Memories.

She hates cum Video

Let’s all think back, shall we? Let’s think back to a time when we were 18. For me it’s not too hard, because it wasn’t that long ago, but for some of you, just pretend. When I was graduated high school I had a world of possibilities ahead of me. College was around the corner, where I would study law and theatre and make something of myself. I, of course, ended up here on Pornzio. Follow your dreams children! Kari Sweets is 18, and cameras are staring her in face. Oddly enough, she ended up here, too, and thank God for it. Not so much Pornzio, but porn, which is close enough. I like to beat to Kari, and writing about her is even better. It sort of justifies my travels from 18 to now, because when I was 18, I don’t remember chicks looking like that. Actually, I do, and I fucked them, but that doesn’t make for a very good story, now does it? Kari is so hot, Front Magazine named her #2 chick on the net. Right behind, Raven Riley, who I choose not to write about, because if I did I would start beating off at work, and people would get mad at me. (Those damn conservative bitches.) Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the sweetness of Kari Sweets. What? You knew I would use that! Kari Sweets is so fucking cute. She looks like a little lion who wants to have candy and sex. I fucking love candy and sex. As always, click for her myspace. Late.

I’m going out on a limb here and going to say that every pornstar will be sporting these at the next porn convention. That’s right…you heard it here…big fashion statement of 2007. Sluts of America will be sporting the Hand Bra in 2007.

Buy Your HAND BRA Now

I know I’ve written about the vag-eterians before who only fuck their food, but I had to post this hot little video. This chick basically shows how any food, carb or not can be fully fucked and violated.

This is really genius. Porn site owners spend all this time and money trying to figure out what the public wants to watch and is willing to pay for. What’s Your Kink just said fuck it. We’ll let the public write in and tell us what their kink is. And then we’ll just create content custom for our users. This is fucking amazing if you ask me. I wrote in yesterday asking for a video about a threesome with me, a butchy asian bus driver dyke, and a dirty hot asian homeless woman. Can’t wait to see if they make it for me. What would you have them make?

Check out What’s Your Kink

Up until about a year or so ago, it was probably just about as difficult to find a gay porn star with any type of body or facial hair as it would be to find a smart girl on America’s Next Top Model. In the last year or so I’ve noticed that more and more gay porn stars are starting to look more natural in terms of their manscaping habits. This means no more bald armpits, chests, or millimeter length pubes. I truly have to credit Jake Gyllenhaal during his Brokeback Mountain days for walking all of the red carpets with his beard (no pun intended). To me this was the tipping point. I’m happy to see that we’re moving past this total body manscaping look to something that’s more masculine. I wouldn’t even consider myself as having a fetish for chest hair, or bears, or furry guys. I’m just not in to guys that look like they got stuck in the 90’s. It’s just not very sexy to me. On the other hand, I know that us gays have to take everything to the extreme sometimes, so I’ll draw the line when I start seeing back hair. We all have our limits, but until back hair becomes a standard of gay male beauty I’m glad to see that hair is making its way back into porn.

Joey Stefano was the epitome of hotness during the 90’s.

Arpad Miklos knows what is hot.

Francois Sagat is one hot hairy hunk!

Edu Boxer rockin’ the facial hair!

I miss school. I never got to go a Catholic School, but lucky for me I had plenty of sluts to go around. I miss being able to skip 2nd period because I was fucking in the science lab. That’s when I garnered the obsession with skirts. I would pull my dick out of my pants, and she would move her panties off to the side. I would slide right in, and I would cum in a petrie dish. I was once told that this chick examined my gizz under a microscope, and 9 months later she became pregnant. I don’t think it was a coincidence. One thing inevitably leads to another, and every Friday I was banging cheerleaders. I loved when they wore their outfits to school and Friday was game day. Man, maybe I need to go back to school. Can I go get a second high school diploma? Is that possible? I should probably just stick to finding high school seniors on myspace… Anyhow, here’s all you need to get you through to the end of the semester. Enjoy.

Now I know when you hear the cliche name Hung Lo you picture that same ole same ole pornstar. You know the ripped up tan guy, with no body hair, and a 12 inch penis right? Well you’re fucking wrong. Hung Lo is the best thing in porn since vibrator accessory to the ipod.

Hung Lo is the only true, Chinese-speaking male fuck toy who devastates his white female counterparts with his massive 5″ member. With over a billion Chinese people in the world, these girls will do anything to see why the Chinese are so fertile … as long as Hung Lo is up to the task.

Watch the Trailer of this little penis going to town on hot white women

PornoJackass.com

It’s been such a good year for nakedness, rehab, and booze. Can you believe it’s just the beginning of March? I guess March Madness isn’t just for basketball anymore. There are two relatively large non-pornstar porn hub-bubs going on right now, and both you should keep your eyes out for. There is also one non-pornstar porn out, that you need to beat to right now! See, Pornzio looks out for you. Not only do we keep you beating, we keep you informed. Informed, I SAY!

It’s with sad news that I report Antonella Barba was voted off American Idol last night. I tuned in, so you wouldn’t have to, and to that I say, “You’re welcome.” Once again, America got it wrong. Seriously, the reason that hot chicks get voted off and idiots win is because the perverts (you and I) aren’t voting, and the soccer moms are. If you want a reason for Taylor Hicks winning last year, and Katherine McPhee losing, then look at yourself. Sure, I won’t get to pull it during her 2 minutes of horrendous singing, but I might now get to pull it to her videos. Yes, both Girls Gone Wild and Sugarland DVD have extended Antonella spokesperson contracts, both around the $500,000 range. Hopefully, Antonella will realize that the country has already seen her naked, and she’ll need the money. Here’s hoping she’ll step it up. Click her pooping to read more.

In other news, it appears as if the Kim Kardashian sex tape will be released by Vivid Entertainment, and welcomed by me. Kim’s lawyers tried to sue, but Vivid doesn’t give a shit. Here’s the quote from Steven Hirsch co-chairman of Vivid, “I met with Kim yesterday and unfortunately, we didn’t even come close to reaching an agreement. We will now immediately move forward with the release. We still remain open to any further discussion with Kim as we would like her to benefit from sales of the DVD.” I’m not sure of the release date yet, but previews will be up next week on kimksuperstar.com next week. Basically, I
WIN! Click her hotness to read more.

Lastly, Kelley Hazell has a sex tape. If you haven’t seen it yet, where have you been? I am thoroughly disappointed in you. Step it up. She has boobs like no body’s business. I am not even sure how she became famous, or what she’s famous for. Her boobs are reason enough for me. Click her sex and sign up to skinvideo.com to watch the full length tape!

It’s been awhile since I did a little searching through the millions of porn esque photos hiding on flickr.  For some reason today I just felt the need to dive in.  And everything happens for a reason cause today I found a fucking gold mine. RealMonsterSahh is the fucking man.  I think it’s a man anyway.  I mean either a man or a lesbian based on all the hot Multiple Hot Chicks photos there are.  And these aren’t just your boring photos either they’re all fucking hot.  But that’s not all don’t you dare not take a peep at some of his other great photo sets which include:  Boobs and Booze, Life Preservers, Self Shots, BBW, and Solo Chicks.  All are fucking as good as the previous.  I have a new best friend. I love flickr porn!