Alright, let’s be real here, if every hooker looked like this, well, we wouldn’t need girlfriends.

And, if every hooker sounded like this, we’d no longer need doggie whistles.

I love the way Asian chicks sound when they’re getting fucked. It’s like a chewy toy gone retarded.
The strange thing is, I now get boners when I hear the sound from chewy toys….

Enjoy the uber-sex Maria Ozawa! (and, I apologize for the strange music at the beginning…)

Reason #471 we love Joanna Angel, her blowup doll tried to take over her life.

Look, shit like that happens when you have a doll made in your likeness. Joanna’s new film, tentatively called “Doppleganger,” will be out in August, but you can get hooked up before you beat off.

All you gotta do is make a video with the Joanna Angel doll, post it up on vimeo or youtube, and then win. By the way, no fucking the doll allowed, folks. Just be creative and hilarious, and you’ll win.

And, if you don’t win, well, you still get to fuck Joanna… sort of…

First prize gets $1,000 worth of Topco and Joanna Angel/Burning Angel shit, so make it happen.

Check out more at BlowJoannaUp.com or on Joanna’s Blog.

(Oh, and thanks for the photo, James Deen.)

Since you all seem to be such giant fans of the girl my right hand pretends to be, I thought I’d give you more.

I’m so fucking generous, aren’t I?

Seriously, though, look at Karla Spice‘s tatty’s and that fucking perfect ass.

She is so caca hot.

Check out more Here and Here

To celebrate the US victory, let’s get in on a little soccer fucking.

What the fuck are they even doing at the beginning? Pretty sure this dude is a tard.

Sonia gets sport fucked in the locker room, you beat off, and everyone is happy.

Well, everyone but the Algerians.

In other news, Sonia is really fucking hot, and the cumshot is magical.

For more soccer porn, check us out 4 years ago HERE

And I like it. Cody Lane is just filthy, but isn’t that what you want in a fuck?

She’s not the most fit girl, and really, she’s not the hottest chick you’ve ever seen.
But, when she starts fingerbanging herself it’s like when the ugly duckling becomes a swan.

Well, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s more like when the thick, kinda hot chick becomes a whore, which, in hindsight, isn’t that better?

I think so.

Plus, she sucks dick like a fuckin’ champ.

Check out MadThumbs for more fuckin’.

It’s Friday, and you know what that means!! It’s POV time!

This week’s contestant on POV Friday is the blond sexpot from Texas, Bree Olson.

Bree sucks a mean dick. Mean dicks are different than nice or normal dicks. Mean dicks will punch you in the mouth.

I’d like to introduce Bree to my mean dick. We’d play a little game. It’d be called, Can I Last In Your Mouth For 10 Seconds?

I’d lose every fucking time.

We all know how much I love porn and zombies together.

You know what I love even moooore? Asians!!

So when you combine Asians, Tattys and zombies I’m in boner overload.

Needless to say, I’m more excited about The Big Tits Zombie 3D than I was about Avatar.

And, The Big Tits Zombie 3D is probably not even actually in 3D.

Sushi Zombie!

Yep, it’s 13 wonderful minutes of a schoolgirl farting, fingering and fucking!

Try not to spill jizz on yourself till she starts farting on dick, though.

I, uh… I’m… not gonna lie… I loved every part of this.

I have problems.

Seriously.

Millions of Peachez… Peachez for me… Millions of Peachez for a free (well, at least here she’s free).

Another chick that caught my over the last week was Sarah Peachez. (I’m going to go ahead and use every obvious joke here, so brace yourself…)

I wanted to open her up and find her seed.
No?
I wanted to bite into fuzzy skin and taste her juices.
Still no?
I wanted to slice her up, put her in a can and eat her for an afternoon snack.
Right… let’s just look at her naked, then!

UPDATE! After discussing it with some peeps, we’ve decided these photos do Peachez no justice. (Dear Sarah, hire new photographers!) Here’s what she looked like when she passed me by. I can’t get her hotness out of my head! She’s on the right, thanks, again, FUBAR.

Sorry I’ve been gone so long, friends, but my eyes were seeing the Promise Land. Yes, that’s correct, I saw Sunny Leone and Little Lupe touching each other while wet in a pool.

It’s been about 3 days since, and I’m still rocking a gigantagor boner!

It’s about time these two sexy panthers got together for my benefit.

Thanks, XBiz and FUBAR (I did not do a good job of avoiding terrible photos of myself, bastards)… Now I’m off to beat it!