Author Archives: Toph

Today Class, We Jerk Off to a Hot Asian Chick!


I like when Asian chicks fuck, because they sound like how I imagine a unicorn crossed with a kitten sounds.

Now that shit would be magical and elegant.

And, you better fucking believe I found a photo of what that would look like!

(Now, fast forward to the 28 minute mark and tell you don’t think that’s how that cute little critter would sound.)

Batman Be Fuckin’

Finally, we can see what it would have been like had the cameras been on Adam West the person, instead of Adam West the Batman.

Cause y’all bitches know he was fuckin’ everybody. I mean, if you were the Caped Crusader, wouldn’t you have been tagging Catwoman, Batgirl and Poison Ivy? Not mention Vikki Vale… Vik, Vik, Vikki Vale.

Maybe that’s why I’m so excited about Batman XXX – Porn Parody from Vivid. Hell, I started beating to the trailer, and there’s no nudity.

Damn, I’m so pumped to see Tori Black as Catwoman.

Be serious, how many of y’all weirdos want to see Bruce Wayne and Alfred tag team Catwoman while Robin beats off in the corner? I know I do!

The Incomprable Vikki Blows

Vikki Mother Fucking Blows.

Vikki Blows is the wind beneath my wings. She’s the light at end of my tunnel. She’s the nipple at the end of my tit.

If the internet is beer, then Vikki Blows is a shot of whiskey. She just makes everything better.

Vikki takes her tittays out a lot, and this, my friends is a very good thing. They’re like the pocket watch that hypnotists use. They’ll put you in a trance where all you can is beat off. This is the best trance ever.

God, I love this girl!

Get mesmerized below!

There’s jizz in your hands right now… I KNOW IT!!

Horse Trainer Fucks a School Girl

Considering how much money I lost for the Kentucky Derby, I thought I should jack off to a horse trainer fucking a school girl.

There’s a way to get over losing money, then there’s a way to get over losing money. Know what I mean?

Me either.

I ran across the Young Harlot movies not to long ago, and each video is more amazing than the next.

The above clip is from Young Harlot’s Riding School.

Face Down Ass Up University

Face down, ass up… that is the way I like to fuck. 2 Live Crew was so right, but not as right as Face Down Ass Up University.

Pretty novel concept, really. Just get a bunch of smokin’ hot co-eds to get naked in their dorm rooms.

Fuck, I miss college so much. This was pretty much every day for me at the Baptist college I attended. Wait…

Let’s all enroll in FDAU University!

Charmane Star is Sexy Asian Yum Yums

What the fuck does Sexy Asian Yum Yums mean? Hell if I know, but I like it.

Charmane Star is ridicuhot. I want to stick my crab so far up her wonton that cream cheese pours out. That’s how hot she is!

Wait, how hot is Charmane Star? She’s so hot I’d let her punch me in the asshole just so I could fuck her. That’s how hot she is!

Wait… wait… how hot is Charmane Star? I’d fuck her little Asian grandma just to tell my friends that I fuck the woman who gave birth to the woman who gave birth to Charmane Star. Yes! That’s how hot she is!

Find more Asian sexy time HERE

Havana Ginger, What’s Areolas in Spanish?

I know how much you bustas love areolas, so I thought I’d draw your attention to in the incomparable, Havana Ginger.

I can’t help but to get boners to this sexy latina and her DD tits. I bet her areolas taste like Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas. MMmmmm… Mexican Pizza.

Have fun beating to these fun bags!

Also check out Susie Sparks giant areolas HERE!


(Click the photo for the video)

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!
This is exactly the movie my dick needs to get itself ready for a long week.

Aren’t you getting as sick as me of the vampire shit? Didn’t you kind of want to see what would have happened in I Am Legend had the zombies started fucking each other?

I imagine that zombies would love to fuck. Those bitches crazy, son.

Thankfully, Porn of the Dead finally show us some sweet, sensual zombie love. And, this isn’t a clip, it’s a full mother fucking zombie fuckfest.

Eva Angelina, My Dick Loves You

If there’s one chick who, hands down, every time makes my dick point North, it’s Eva Angelina. She’s ball-dropping hot, sucks a mean dick and has a vagina that’s unlocked 4 mysteries of the world.

She actually left porn in for a bit (eff you, boyfriend), went to school and worked at Macaroni Grill in SoCal.

How she hasn’t made this into a film yet, is beyond me. Who doesn’t want to see Eva in a sexy Macaroni Grill uniform getting plowed by everyone from the busboys to her shift manager.

And, what if you’re working at Macaroni Grill at that time? Is there anyway you can live with yourself if you didn’t fuck her? Of course not. Well, lucky for the rest of us, we can continue to beat to her whenever we’d like. Never leave us again, Eva.

Photo Galleries


Links – 1, 2, 3, 4

Buy Christy’s Panties? Ok…

Who doesn’t want Yummy Used Panties from a chick whose face we haven’t seen?

I love that this is a thing. And, I applaud Christy for selling her vag soaked undies online. I’m now wondering if I could get away with selling my running sliders to chicks.

“Toph’s Running Sliders – When you need to smell the musk of a man’s sweaty balls.”

Ok, so maybe that wouldn’t go over nearly as well. You can buy Christy’s panties for around $50 each, and she’ll even IM dirty shit to you as you beat off for only $40/30 minutes.

You can even buy some panties with skid marks for an additional $25, but that’s for light poo stains. If you want heavily shit stained panties, that’s gonna cost you an extra $40.

And for you Aussies out there, you can buy her panties worn, masturbated in to orgasm, then put in a bag, and pissed over, completely soaking them in her urine, for AUD$80.

(You can also buy her piss or her boyfriend’s jizz. See site for details… member FDIC).

Find some crazy shit at