I got so happy last week when I saw that ESPN Classic had picked up American Gladiators. I fucking loved this show when I was a kid. I used to make my dad stay up all night and wait til the show came on at midnight. I started watching it again, and can’t believe how horrible and ummm fruity the costumes were back then. Can’t believe I thought these people were cool. Regardless…miraculously today I found the porn version of american gladiators. They had like a whole set with all the cool obstacles and everything. I only found this portion but it’s still amazing. The contestants run through the maze blind folded, then have to suck off the real cock. This has to be japan made. Good stuff.

American Gladiator Porn

We’ve all said it. “Yeah I’d brown bag that slut”. Meaning, I’d fuck her, but she’s so ugly I need to cover up her face. Well apparently the brown bag approach really does work. I mean you have to watch out for the paper cuts…but fuck it. If she’s that ugly…and you’re that horny. It’s win win.

Why doesn’t this shit ever happen to me? I wait for the bus everyday, and sometimes there are hotties, but they never ask if I want to touch their boob, or just grab my cock. Maybe I’m just in the wrong city.

If after watching that you need to see some real blowjob videos check out Bus Stop Whores

It’s been such a good year for nakedness, rehab, and booze. Can you believe it’s just the beginning of March? I guess March Madness isn’t just for basketball anymore. There are two relatively large non-pornstar porn hub-bubs going on right now, and both you should keep your eyes out for. There is also one non-pornstar porn out, that you need to beat to right now! See, Pornzio looks out for you. Not only do we keep you beating, we keep you informed. Informed, I SAY!

It’s with sad news that I report Antonella Barba was voted off American Idol last night. I tuned in, so you wouldn’t have to, and to that I say, “You’re welcome.” Once again, America got it wrong. Seriously, the reason that hot chicks get voted off and idiots win is because the perverts (you and I) aren’t voting, and the soccer moms are. If you want a reason for Taylor Hicks winning last year, and Katherine McPhee losing, then look at yourself. Sure, I won’t get to pull it during her 2 minutes of horrendous singing, but I might now get to pull it to her videos. Yes, both Girls Gone Wild and Sugarland DVD have extended Antonella spokesperson contracts, both around the $500,000 range. Hopefully, Antonella will realize that the country has already seen her naked, and she’ll need the money. Here’s hoping she’ll step it up. Click her pooping to read more.

In other news, it appears as if the Kim Kardashian sex tape will be released by Vivid Entertainment, and welcomed by me. Kim’s lawyers tried to sue, but Vivid doesn’t give a shit. Here’s the quote from Steven Hirsch co-chairman of Vivid, “I met with Kim yesterday and unfortunately, we didn’t even come close to reaching an agreement. We will now immediately move forward with the release. We still remain open to any further discussion with Kim as we would like her to benefit from sales of the DVD.” I’m not sure of the release date yet, but previews will be up next week on kimksuperstar.com next week. Basically, I
WIN! Click her hotness to read more.

Lastly, Kelley Hazell has a sex tape. If you haven’t seen it yet, where have you been? I am thoroughly disappointed in you. Step it up. She has boobs like no body’s business. I am not even sure how she became famous, or what she’s famous for. Her boobs are reason enough for me. Click her sex and sign up to skinvideo.com to watch the full length tape!

I miss school. I never got to go a Catholic School, but lucky for me I had plenty of sluts to go around. I miss being able to skip 2nd period because I was fucking in the science lab. That’s when I garnered the obsession with skirts. I would pull my dick out of my pants, and she would move her panties off to the side. I would slide right in, and I would cum in a petrie dish. I was once told that this chick examined my gizz under a microscope, and 9 months later she became pregnant. I don’t think it was a coincidence. One thing inevitably leads to another, and every Friday I was banging cheerleaders. I loved when they wore their outfits to school and Friday was game day. Man, maybe I need to go back to school. Can I go get a second high school diploma? Is that possible? I should probably just stick to finding high school seniors on myspace… Anyhow, here’s all you need to get you through to the end of the semester. Enjoy.

Let’s all think back, shall we? Let’s think back to a time when we were 18. For me it’s not too hard, because it wasn’t that long ago, but for some of you, just pretend. When I was graduated high school I had a world of possibilities ahead of me. College was around the corner, where I would study law and theatre and make something of myself. I, of course, ended up here on Pornzio. Follow your dreams children! Kari Sweets is 18, and cameras are staring her in face. Oddly enough, she ended up here, too, and thank God for it. Not so much Pornzio, but porn, which is close enough. I like to beat to Kari, and writing about her is even better. It sort of justifies my travels from 18 to now, because when I was 18, I don’t remember chicks looking like that. Actually, I do, and I fucked them, but that doesn’t make for a very good story, now does it? Kari is so hot, Front Magazine named her #2 chick on the net. Right behind, Raven Riley, who I choose not to write about, because if I did I would start beating off at work, and people would get mad at me. (Those damn conservative bitches.) Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the sweetness of Kari Sweets. What? You knew I would use that! Kari Sweets is so fucking cute. She looks like a little lion who wants to have candy and sex. I fucking love candy and sex. As always, click for her myspace. Late.

Yes, the girl of the week is American Idol’s Antonella Barba. The internet has been buzzing today with news of this beauty’s naked photo’s popping up everywhere. You didn’t think she wouldn’t pop up on Pornzio, did you? Come on! I live for hot naked teens. For the past few weeks, I have been itching to beat to her, and thankfully I don’t have to worry about Randy Jackson popping up anymore. It looks like she sucks a mean cock, too! Enjoy this New Jersey hoe! She now has my vote, I don’t care how awful her singing is.

Note: Everyone is on this shit right now, so it may take a while….

*thanks to idontlikeyouinthatway.com and hollywoodgrind.com for being amazing.

We all love a good blowjob. There’s nothing better to me than a beautiful woman going to town on my cock. Just jabbing the back of her throat…in and out with my cock. That’s my definition of heaven. Some women like to fuck up this heaven. Some just don’t know what they’re doing due to lack of experience, and some are just fucking bitches. Those bitches nibble, bite, and just fuck up a blowjob just cause they don’t want to be doing it. When teeth are involved in a blowjob there is a serious problem happening. I’m not really sure how to tell this to a woman either.

My first blowjob from a girl once…was scary. She was drunk, and had never sucked a dick before. She was scraping the shit out of my dick, but I let it happen. Cause if I didn’t she would be like “I don’t know how” “you don’t like it when i do it” or “My mouth is too small”. BUNCH OF BULLSHIT. I made it through that night, and somehow the next time she did…she was a fucking porn star. So I warn you. BEWARE OF THE NIBBLERS. But stand your ground. Most of the time there is an inner porn star in there. And sometimes they just get turned on by giving you some pain. Like this Cock Nibbling Video

Here are a couple more nibbling adventures

So if you read the last post you realize that japanese people are fucking weird. So weird that they need to go out of their way to find ways to get turned on.  Some people are into watching their woman get banged by another man or woman.  This person apparently gets turned on by watching his girl suck a cock that isn’t even there.  WTF??

If you love blow jobs, you should check out bjbattle.com. Vote daily on which girl gives a better blow job. You can leave comments on the different models, help pornstars reach their 15 min of fame, and find endless links re: the art of fellatio. Not only can you vote, but they give suggestions on what positions provide better blowjobs. Now that’s the type of info you want to pass along to the girlfriend/wife-y.

Nearly everything is available for free. The creators of this battle have hundreds of other adult voting sites in their network. I highly suggest checking out boobiebattle, thongbattle, hardcorebattle, and asianbattle. That should keep you busy at work this week. Happy Monday! xoxo