What the fuck does Sexy Asian Yum Yums mean? Hell if I know, but I like it.
Charmane Star is ridicuhot. I want to stick my crab so far up her wonton that cream cheese pours out. That’s how hot she is!
Wait, how hot is Charmane Star? She’s so hot I’d let her punch me in the asshole just so I could fuck her. That’s how hot she is!
Wait… wait… how hot is Charmane Star? I’d fuck her little Asian grandma just to tell my friends that I fuck the woman who gave birth to the woman who gave birth to Charmane Star. Yes! That’s how hot she is!
As I mentioned, while in Phoenix, Talia Shepard floored me every time I saw her. Never a shy person, I couldn’t even bring myself to say hello, you are awesome.
So who is that amazing chick, that was also a Twisty’s Treat of the Month?
Well, she’s from Texas, lives in Arizona has some real/amazing tattys and she sure plays a mean dodgeball.
Do you like bisexual amateurs? I talk about Tatum Reed a lot on Pornzio because she’s artsy, smart, runs her own site, enjoys listening to electroclash while she’s rimming girls, AND is super sexy. Clearly, I’m mildly obsessed with her va-jay-jay.
She sent me another video today of a hot brunette she met in LA while she was walking her dog. Click here to download this lesbian amateur video.
Every week I try to bring you guys the hottest girl on the internet, and I’m pretty proud of how well I do it. I mean, I beat to my own post. Actually, when writing, if I don’t beat to it, then I’m not going to post it. I wouldn’t want to do you that disservice. We’re here to keep you whacking. Well, on most days, that is. All is relatively slow in the hot girl world today. I haven’t seen many new chicks that I should alert you about, so instead, I’m bringing you some ugly ones. Why? Think of it as training. We can’t all go home with the hottest chicks, so you have to prepare for the ugly ones. I don’t want you get the wrong idea here. I’m not giving you atrociously horrendous chicks. Wouldn’t that be fucked up? (and kind of funny for me) No, I’m bringing you chicks that are like, “Damn, you’re ugly. You shouldn’t be ugly, though. Why are you ugly? It doesn’t make sense. Here, let me beat to you and see if you’re ugly. Yep, you’re ugly, but I’d fuck you.” I’ve actually had this happen many times in life. With that said, enjoy the ugos.
When you’ve had enough of the ugos, go here, here and here. Remember: God don’t like ugly.
I have found the love of my life. Her name is Bailey, and she sits in her room and gets naked. You can find her on Bailey’sRoom.com. Why do I love her so much? She doesn’t take herself too seriously. Is she getting naked for money? Yes, but she sticks her tongue out, crosses her eyes, and has such a sweet ass that it’s OK with me. I also love the little moles on her left tit. I’m not gonna lie, I’d nibble on them. It’s so fucking cute. She’s half Asian and half, um, hot? Poor Bailey was home schooled and was always the “new girl”. It’s kind of strange how she can be both home schooled and the new girl, but I’m not asking questions as long as she stays in her room and gets naked. She started her site to make money for college, because college is expensive. I am going to go out of my way to make sure she gets the best education a girl can get. Just not good enough to make her keep her clothes on. As always, here is her myspace, though it doesn’t appear to be real, and will probably be gone in a week.
Let’s all think back, shall we? Let’s think back to a time when we were 18. For me it’s not too hard, because it wasn’t that long ago, but for some of you, just pretend. When I was graduated high school I had a world of possibilities ahead of me. College was around the corner, where I would study law and theatre and make something of myself. I, of course, ended up here on Pornzio. Follow your dreams children! Kari Sweets is 18, and cameras are staring her in face. Oddly enough, she ended up here, too, and thank God for it. Not so much Pornzio, but porn, which is close enough. I like to beat to Kari, and writing about her is even better. It sort of justifies my travels from 18 to now, because when I was 18, I don’t remember chicks looking like that. Actually, I do, and I fucked them, but that doesn’t make for a very good story, now does it? Kari is so hot, Front Magazine named her #2 chick on the net. Right behind, Raven Riley, who I choose not to write about, because if I did I would start beating off at work, and people would get mad at me. (Those damn conservative bitches.) Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the sweetness of Kari Sweets. What? You knew I would use that! Kari Sweets is so fucking cute. She looks like a little lion who wants to have candy and sex. I fucking love candy and sex. As always, click for her myspace. Late.
Where to start? Eve has been around for a little while, and yet I still can’t stop looking at her. She’s so hot it makes my balls hurt. Seriously, they hurt. I may need to go and get this looked at. It’s not normal, is it? Well, regardless, it’s worth it, because Eve is amazing. She’s a fucking hot Hungarian, who loves to be naked. Isn’t that what we all want: hot, naked Hungarians? Honestly, Eve Angel is arguably the first Hungarian I have ever seen, but if this is a sign of the women there, then I’m moving to Hungry. Think of the limitless amount of Hungry jokes I could use. Eve started fucking at about 17, and we in America had to wait one more year before we could watch it. My favorite thing about Eve is that while she enjoys modeling right now, she aspires to be an archaeologist (note, it’s spelled wrong in the bio:). Cute isn’t it? Dream on Eve, but for right now we’re going to go ahead and excavate your vag. For your viewing pleasure, here’s a mecca of Eve galleries. Just a warning, there may be pop-ups, and there may be spam. I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through them all. Suffice it say, after the second gallery I was finished. Also, for a special treat, and because she’s my favorite, here’s her first screen test. Her pleasure-love sounds may resemble a goat being slaughtered, but seriously, who doesn’t love that?
Aye Dios Mio! For you Spanish impaired, that means “oh my god.” At least, I think it does. I also thought “Quiero el sexo de chico” meant, “Where’s the bathroom.” After a strange Mexican encounter, I learned that it really meant, “I like boy sex.” Point being, Lucia Tovar is a fucking hot Latina. Growing up in Texas means that I have a special place in my heart for Latinas. They are muy caliente, and really good in bed. Of course, Lucia is no different, and that is how she was awarded Girl of the Week. Lucia has the body of an Aztec Goddess, and the tits of a girl who had a boob job. Put those together and you have a winner. Lucia actually started at Hooters and slowly fucked her way to Playboy. Why was I invited to help her make it to the top? I’m important. She’ll do it all for you, too. Don’t believe me? Just check her site, luciatovar.com. Damn, Lucia, I love you.
Natalie Sparks is hot. Let’s say Jennifer Garner and I had a baby, it would look like Natalie Sparks. I’m not even sure what that means, but it’s true. I first came across Natalie I was, well, masturbating, and her big brown eyes were all I needed. She has big, precious boobies and that’s important. I like outfits on my ladies, and Natalie has many. She’s a 20-year-old hottie, that is fairly new to the naked game. She looks to have a D cup, but I would need to touch them to be sure. I would probably use Natalie’s boobies as punching bags, and she’d like it. Chicks dig that shit, right? She has some webcam shows where she does things like fingerbang herself. I love some watching chicks fingerbang themselves. I like it almost as much as I like saying fingerbang. But wait… there’s more. Natalie has a special little sister, Nicole Sparks. OK, so I am not positive they are sisters, but they are both hot and they have the same last name. So, check them out, and just beat it. Oh… here’s their myspace, so you know.. Natalie and Nicole. Thank God for myspace!
I have got to find the planet that Katie lives on. Is there a ship that takes me there? Can I drive there? Do I need a passport to get there? What ever it takes, I will be willing to do it, because I have got to fuck Planet Katie. It doesn’t matter what she does or wears, because she is so damn hot. I like to think of her as every man’s dream or at the very least, my dream. She can be blond, brunette, an office slut, a schoolgirl whore, a sexy nurse, just wearing a skirt and thong, or jeans and a tee shirt, and it doesn’t fuckin’ matter. She’s like a sexy chameleon. I’m usually not one to want to fuck reptiles, with the exception of when I saw Mario Bros. the movie, but I don’t mind what Katie is doing… ever. Wait… yeah, remember Mario Bros. the movie? Well there was one chick in Dinohattan that was so damn hot. I wanted to fuck her until she shed her lizard skin. Yes, I was in the 6th grade when it came out, but I was an early bloomer. I thought I should clear that up for you. Anyhow, I present you with the hotness known as Planet Katie. She’s special, and you should beat to her. I’m going to do that……… now.
