Mother fuck, I don’t even know where to begin. What do you get when you combine Taylor Townsend, protons, neutrons, electrons and fucking? The greatest video ever!!
Oh, I’m the only one that watched The O.C.?

As someone who gets really hard when talking about science, and, more importantly, someone who fucking loves Autumn Reeser, I’ve beat to this a record 13 times in 30 minutes. Something about Reeser making orgasm happen while talking about atoms just gets me going. Never mind the fact that she’s banging Antonio Banderas. Aye, aye, aye…

Look for The Big Bang (wait, it’s not a porn?) due out sometime this year… Please don’t beat off in the theatre.

Check out more naked celebs with our friends at Mr. Skin.

We were talking about movies from our childhood in the office today, when someone brought up Little Giants. Man, I loved Little Giants.

Curious of what happened to Ice Box, the sassy linebacker who was more tomboy than sexpot, I decided to do a little google search. And, after pouring over her IMDB, finding out her name is Shawna Waldron, I discovered she was another actress in a long line ladies taking it off in the captivating Poison Ivy movies. YES!!! FUCK YES!!

How is this not featured in any VH1 Child Star Top 50 countdowns?!

Nevertheless, I bet you can squeeze off a bit of jiz from Shawna Waldron. I know I have… thrice.

I need to get me a mother fuckin’ sex tape.

Everybody has a sex tape these days, including Jimi Hendrix. You know you’re a badass when you have a sex tape released 40 years after you die, and people are excited about.

I bet Hendrix tears that vagina up.

Tape will be released May 3rd.

Will you watch?

(Source = NME)

Everyone knows I like celeb gossip more than any straight dude should, so the fact that I’m throwing my hat so late into the Jesse James – Michelle “Bombshell” shitshow is a bit depressing. What?! Is it my fault Pornzio has been away for a year? (Maybe)

When news came out about Jesse James fucking Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, my first thought was, “How’s Ashley Madison going to spin this for PR?” In case you missed it, Ashley Madison offered Tiger $5 million to be their spokesman in yet another genius move.

Needless to say, no one was surprised when “Bombshell” popped up on the great cam site, OnHerCam. Nor were we surprised to find out she’s a Nazi who has been fucking ol’ dude for almost a year. Kudos to OnHerCam for promoting the shit out of her, though. Pretty damn genius.

In other news, I should make sex with Sandra Bullock.

See her fingerbanging herself on OnHerCam – Video

Some of you will remember me saying previously that I have a celeb-crush on Maggie Gyllenhaal. Well, she recently did a video spoof on the WGA strike. For all of you who have fantasized about Ms. Gyllenhaal going lesbo…this is for you. Watch the video here.

For more on Maggie Gyllenhaal, click here.

I love celebrity nip slips. It’s cool, Natalie. I find Hillary Clinton sexy, too. I’ve wanted to slip her the tuna finger ever since I was in High School. Take one for the team, grrrl!

Apparently a lot of people find Hillary Clinton attractive. Do you?

God bless TMZ‘s video editors. This clip ends in a tour de force score of Heidi Klum’s laughter. Enjoy.

A Spanish magazine published a whole set of the couple’s uncensored pics. Yes, there are more! You can view them all here. If these are really Vanessa Minnillo’s boobs, she might want to think about keeping her top AND make up on. A little waxy-wax couldn’t hurt, either. Just my 2 cents!

Kelly Clarkson pre-sale tickets went up for grabs last week. My top gay and I will be attending the San Jose concert, for sure. If you’re in the Bay Area and are planning on attending this show, please leave me a comment. We’re hosting a gay tailgating party. I look forward to seeing some Pornzio peeps there.

If you are really worried about Paris going to jail, sign this petition asap. It reads, “This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday. She is distraught and understandably afraid.” LA prosecutors are recommending that Paris Hilton serve a whopping 45 days in jail. Ouch.

Paris Hilton’s attorney, Richard Hutton, issued this statement on her behalf:

“After reading the media’s coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should — no matter how slightly.

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation.

No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse.”

Fuck it. I signed the petition. Need a more tangible reason to keep Paris free?