I need to get me a mother fuckin’ sex tape.

Everybody has a sex tape these days, including Jimi Hendrix. You know you’re a badass when you have a sex tape released 40 years after you die, and people are excited about.

I bet Hendrix tears that vagina up.

Tape will be released May 3rd.

Will you watch?

(Source = NME)

Everyone knows I like celeb gossip more than any straight dude should, so the fact that I’m throwing my hat so late into the Jesse James – Michelle “Bombshell” shitshow is a bit depressing. What?! Is it my fault Pornzio has been away for a year? (Maybe)

When news came out about Jesse James fucking Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, my first thought was, “How’s Ashley Madison going to spin this for PR?” In case you missed it, Ashley Madison offered Tiger $5 million to be their spokesman in yet another genius move.

Needless to say, no one was surprised when “Bombshell” popped up on the great cam site, OnHerCam. Nor were we surprised to find out she’s a Nazi who has been fucking ol’ dude for almost a year. Kudos to OnHerCam for promoting the shit out of her, though. Pretty damn genius.

In other news, I should make sex with Sandra Bullock.

See her fingerbanging herself on OnHerCam – Video

The current WGA strike has brought some serious issues to light. Where would hollywood be without writers? My heart goes out to all involved with the strike.

Some of you will remember me saying previously that I have a celeb-crush on Maggie Gyllenhaal. Well, she recently did a video spoof on the WGA strike. For all of you who have fantasized about Ms. Gyllenhaal going lesbo…this is for you. Watch the video here.

For more on Maggie Gyllenhaal, click here.

Clearly….

I love celebrity nip slips. It’s cool, Natalie. I find Hillary Clinton sexy, too. I’ve wanted to slip her the tuna finger ever since I was in High School. Take one for the team, grrrl!

Apparently a lot of people find Hillary Clinton attractive. Do you?

Duh…but does she love those squishy pillows more then we do? This video shows Heidi Klum in a bra – playing with her breasts.

God bless TMZ‘s video editors. This clip ends in a tour de force score of Heidi Klum’s laughter. Enjoy.

Could it be true? Are these really nude pics of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo?

A Spanish magazine published a whole set of the couple’s uncensored pics. Yes, there are more! You can view them all here. If these are really Vanessa Minnillo’s boobs, she might want to think about keeping her top AND make up on. A little waxy-wax couldn’t hurt, either. Just my 2 cents!

Being a hot celebrity is not all it’s cracked up to be. Money, fame, personal trainers, fans, gift bags, VIP everything… Lindsay works hard for the money, but you can tell she’s still kinda emo. When she’s trippin ballz at her luxury apt, she’s still so alone. [awww]

Whatever… she makes emo look sexy!

So are Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo lesbo cutters or what?

Oh, and more sexy emo pics of Lohan…

You know that this photo series probably has an all-nude lesbo side that hasn’t leaked yet. One can only hope that we’ll get a chance to see those, too.

When I think of Paris in jail, I get so sad. …until I think of her playing “bitch sub” to some butch dyke in jail. Glee! Then I get totally stoked about a possible lesbo jail sex tape. I digress…

If you are really worried about Paris going to jail, sign this petition asap. It reads, “This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake. Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn’t hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday. She is distraught and understandably afraid.” LA prosecutors are recommending that Paris Hilton serve a whopping 45 days in jail. Ouch.

Paris Hilton’s attorney, Richard Hutton, issued this statement on her behalf:

“After reading the media’s coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should — no matter how slightly.

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation.

No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse.”

Fuck it. I signed the petition. Need a more tangible reason to keep Paris free?