I need to get me a mother fuckin’ sex tape.

Everybody has a sex tape these days, including Jimi Hendrix. You know you’re a badass when you have a sex tape released 40 years after you die, and people are excited about.

I bet Hendrix tears that vagina up.

Tape will be released May 3rd.

Will you watch?

(Source = NME)

Everyone knows I like celeb gossip more than any straight dude should, so the fact that I’m throwing my hat so late into the Jesse James – Michelle “Bombshell” shitshow is a bit depressing. What?! Is it my fault Pornzio has been away for a year? (Maybe)

When news came out about Jesse James fucking Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, my first thought was, “How’s Ashley Madison going to spin this for PR?” In case you missed it, Ashley Madison offered Tiger $5 million to be their spokesman in yet another genius move.

Needless to say, no one was surprised when “Bombshell” popped up on the great cam site, OnHerCam. Nor were we surprised to find out she’s a Nazi who has been fucking ol’ dude for almost a year. Kudos to OnHerCam for promoting the shit out of her, though. Pretty damn genius.

In other news, I should make sex with Sandra Bullock.

See her fingerbanging herself on OnHerCam – Video

The current WGA strike has brought some serious issues to light. Where would hollywood be without writers? My heart goes out to all involved with the strike.

Some of you will remember me saying previously that I have a celeb-crush on Maggie Gyllenhaal. Well, she recently did a video spoof on the WGA strike. For all of you who have fantasized about Ms. Gyllenhaal going lesbo…this is for you. Watch the video here.

For more on Maggie Gyllenhaal, click here.

Could it be true? Are these really nude pics of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo?

A Spanish magazine published a whole set of the couple’s uncensored pics. Yes, there are more! You can view them all here. If these are really Vanessa Minnillo’s boobs, she might want to think about keeping her top AND make up on. A little waxy-wax couldn’t hurt, either. Just my 2 cents!

Being a hot celebrity is not all it’s cracked up to be. Money, fame, personal trainers, fans, gift bags, VIP everything… Lindsay works hard for the money, but you can tell she’s still kinda emo. When she’s trippin ballz at her luxury apt, she’s still so alone. [awww]

Whatever… she makes emo look sexy!

So are Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo lesbo cutters or what?

Oh, and more sexy emo pics of Lohan…

You know that this photo series probably has an all-nude lesbo side that hasn’t leaked yet. One can only hope that we’ll get a chance to see those, too.

Yes, my friends. This is the most creative porn I’ve seen in a while. Fucking Etch-A-Sketch Suicide Girls! wtf?!

That just shows so much imagination. You’d probably have to be very careful when you’re propping it up, as to not erase your porn. …or maybe just jack off over it? Check out this other sketch he did of the late Anna Nicole Smith…

I’m such a nerd for this type of artistic porno. Do you think he’d do an Etch-A-Sketch of me if I sent him a sexy photo? That would be so hot. Check out this etchasketchist’s full portfolio on flickr.

It’s been such a good year for nakedness, rehab, and booze. Can you believe it’s just the beginning of March? I guess March Madness isn’t just for basketball anymore. There are two relatively large non-pornstar porn hub-bubs going on right now, and both you should keep your eyes out for. There is also one non-pornstar porn out, that you need to beat to right now! See, Pornzio looks out for you. Not only do we keep you beating, we keep you informed. Informed, I SAY!

It’s with sad news that I report Antonella Barba was voted off American Idol last night. I tuned in, so you wouldn’t have to, and to that I say, “You’re welcome.” Once again, America got it wrong. Seriously, the reason that hot chicks get voted off and idiots win is because the perverts (you and I) aren’t voting, and the soccer moms are. If you want a reason for Taylor Hicks winning last year, and Katherine McPhee losing, then look at yourself. Sure, I won’t get to pull it during her 2 minutes of horrendous singing, but I might now get to pull it to her videos. Yes, both Girls Gone Wild and Sugarland DVD have extended Antonella spokesperson contracts, both around the $500,000 range. Hopefully, Antonella will realize that the country has already seen her naked, and she’ll need the money. Here’s hoping she’ll step it up. Click her pooping to read more.

In other news, it appears as if the Kim Kardashian sex tape will be released by Vivid Entertainment, and welcomed by me. Kim’s lawyers tried to sue, but Vivid doesn’t give a shit. Here’s the quote from Steven Hirsch co-chairman of Vivid, “I met with Kim yesterday and unfortunately, we didn’t even come close to reaching an agreement. We will now immediately move forward with the release. We still remain open to any further discussion with Kim as we would like her to benefit from sales of the DVD.” I’m not sure of the release date yet, but previews will be up next week on kimksuperstar.com next week. Basically, I
WIN! Click her hotness to read more.

Lastly, Kelley Hazell has a sex tape. If you haven’t seen it yet, where have you been? I am thoroughly disappointed in you. Step it up. She has boobs like no body’s business. I am not even sure how she became famous, or what she’s famous for. Her boobs are reason enough for me. Click her sex and sign up to skinvideo.com to watch the full length tape!

I was going through XBIZ World Magazine and saw an attractive adult model sporting a flirt4free tank top on page 136. If you look closely, you’ll see that it’s Jenny Lee from Beauty & The Geek. This photo was taken at the Video Secrets Anniversary party at the Playboy Mansion. If you’re a fan of this show, please help me confirm if this is in fact the same girl.

At least Megan Hauserman (another Beauty & The Geek contestant) was honest about her work for Playboy. Every time her name popped up, you’d see “Playboy Model” underneath. Hell, it’s something to be proud of. I love her for it!

I just think it’s strange to hide adult modeling if you’re going to agree to be on a mainstream reality tv show. Own up to what you do. Be proud of what you do! After I saw her pic in XBIZ, I also saw Jenny Lee on MTV’s show NEXT. If she’s not a wannabe pornstar, she’s at least a reality tv whore.

For the past 6 years I have debated on whether or not I should try out for American Idol. I’m not the best of singers, but I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t pretty fucking sexy. Isn’t that what really counts anyways? I mean, most of those kids are no talent ass-clowns, but they get to Hollywood based on their looks. Each year some one asks, “Toph, are you going to try out for American Idol?” And each year I respond, “No, I’m going to be fucking.” Yes, fucking is more important to me than winning American Idol. Well, that was until a few years ago when it was announced that Paula Abdul had sex with one of the contestants. Why wasn’t I made aware that I could Rush Rush into Paula’s vag? Or, that we could take two steps forward and one step back in the bedroom? Those are the only Paula Abdul songs I know, sorry. We all know that she loves her some weed, at least it appears so. After hearing that story, I figured that I, like Paula, could blend both my love for American Idol and my love for pokin’. Then from out of the skies, I found Desperate Popstars. I love desperate chicks. These chicks may be the worst singers ever, and isn’t that the best part of American Idol anyways? They are also really fuckin’ hot, and have lots of sex. There may not be a better combination, but yes, there’s more. The two dudes sound like Borat mixed with a donkey. Think about it. So, let’s recap, shall we? Bad singers, Borat, hot chicks, fucking, and Paula Abdul naked… oh wait… never mind.

That’s right, Dirt fans! Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston are going to give you the lesbian action you’ve been hoping for all these years. Set your Tivos, DVR’s, and the like.

You know that Courtney has just been waiting years to find a reason to kiss Jennifer lesbo style. Haven’t we all?! I wish that they’d just come out already, buy a house together, and adopt an Asian baby.

Dear Courtney and Jennifer:

You girls are so cute! I know that your secret love for each other has been on the back burner for some time now. I feel your pain. Now is the time to let your fans know. Be brave! Lesbian love is hot and more accepted than it used to be. In addition to it being super sexy, it would boost your celeb status 10 fold. TV needs a new celeb-lesbo-power-couple. It’s the right time to come out, ladies. Brangelina has nothing on your sex appeal. Fuck them!

You Go Girls,

lesbodojo

P.S. Cournifer?!

The infamous lez kiss should happen on the season finale of Dirt (which runs on the FX channel). Jennifer will play a lesbian editor at a rival celeb magazine. If you can’t wait until March, check out this archive of photochopped celeb pics. They make all your fav celeb babes look mad dirty.