You know how much I love Daisy Marie?

I love her so much I want to dip my chips in her juicy queso.

Let’s do another one…
I love her so much I want to cover Daisy’s chicken enchilada with my sour cream sauce.

Wait… one more!
I love her so much… I want to bury my camarones all up in her a la diabla… ALL UP IN IT!

Aye dios mother fucking Mio, Daisy Marie…

That’s right. They serve up fresh 100% female ejaculation every fucking time. It’s refreshing to watch girls truly getting off for a change. There’s no faking it here, folks. Some of these girls swallow a quart of female juice at a time. There’s no way they could do that with a smile, if they weren’t super into it.

Don’t believe me? Check out some of these high resolution squirting vids for free…

New Squirt-Swallow Videos: 1, 2, 3, & 4

I know. I know. I am your favorite lesbian wingman. xoxo, Enjoy!

I love watching cum fly all over dirty sluts. I mean who doesn’t? But do you think you can make it through 15 minutes of slow motion cum shots? Do ya? I’d like to challenge you to watch this entire thing. I made it about 3 minutes before I blew my load. Then I just skipped to the end of the video so I could say I watched the whole thing. Leave me a comment and tell me how long you lasted.

Slow Motion CumShots

Okay, so it’s not everyday that I find something that just makes me think “God…I wish I was that Dinosaur” I mean how many times in a man’s life do you get to say something like that. Well my friends…this is your first and probably last time to ever get to say that. I found this video of a dinosaur like barney having a threesome with 2 white chicks. It’s pretty amazing. It’s like sesame street meets cinemax. And if that wasn’t enough I found this other video that has a dinosaur with a big green cock that he’s raming into another white chick. What is it with white chicks and dinosaurs?

Dinosaur does 2 white chicks

Dinosaur rams cock in white chick

Where to start? Eve has been around for a little while, and yet I still can’t stop looking at her. She’s so hot it makes my balls hurt. Seriously, they hurt. I may need to go and get this looked at. It’s not normal, is it? Well, regardless, it’s worth it, because Eve is amazing. She’s a fucking hot Hungarian, who loves to be naked. Isn’t that what we all want: hot, naked Hungarians? Honestly, Eve Angel is arguably the first Hungarian I have ever seen, but if this is a sign of the women there, then I’m moving to Hungry. Think of the limitless amount of Hungry jokes I could use. Eve started fucking at about 17, and we in America had to wait one more year before we could watch it. My favorite thing about Eve is that while she enjoys modeling right now, she aspires to be an archaeologist (note, it’s spelled wrong in the bio:). Cute isn’t it? Dream on Eve, but for right now we’re going to go ahead and excavate your vag. For your viewing pleasure, here’s a mecca of Eve galleries. Just a warning, there may be pop-ups, and there may be spam. I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through them all. Suffice it say, after the second gallery I was finished. Also, for a special treat, and because she’s my favorite, here’s her first screen test. Her pleasure-love sounds may resemble a goat being slaughtered, but seriously, who doesn’t love that?

For the past 6 years I have debated on whether or not I should try out for American Idol. I’m not the best of singers, but I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t pretty fucking sexy. Isn’t that what really counts anyways? I mean, most of those kids are no talent ass-clowns, but they get to Hollywood based on their looks. Each year some one asks, “Toph, are you going to try out for American Idol?” And each year I respond, “No, I’m going to be fucking.” Yes, fucking is more important to me than winning American Idol. Well, that was until a few years ago when it was announced that Paula Abdul had sex with one of the contestants. Why wasn’t I made aware that I could Rush Rush into Paula’s vag? Or, that we could take two steps forward and one step back in the bedroom? Those are the only Paula Abdul songs I know, sorry. We all know that she loves her some weed, at least it appears so. After hearing that story, I figured that I, like Paula, could blend both my love for American Idol and my love for pokin’. Then from out of the skies, I found Desperate Popstars. I love desperate chicks. These chicks may be the worst singers ever, and isn’t that the best part of American Idol anyways? They are also really fuckin’ hot, and have lots of sex. There may not be a better combination, but yes, there’s more. The two dudes sound like Borat mixed with a donkey. Think about it. So, let’s recap, shall we? Bad singers, Borat, hot chicks, fucking, and Paula Abdul naked… oh wait… never mind.

I’ve always had a fantasy of fucking a body builder chick. I mean there’s something about a woman that has muscles bigger than yours and her ripped up muscular vagina can squeeze your dick so hard the head wants to just squirt all over the place. I know I’m a freak…but still…I’ve always found something really hot about it. Sadly though I’ve never been able to find any actual porn with body builder chicks. Well I tell you now this…BODY BUILDER PORN IS ALIVE.

I was digging through Skin Video’s massive amounts of porn and like a dream it just appeared. Big buff women making out and fucking each other. Then to add to that solo body builders in the nude masturbating. You’ll notice half way through that one that Chyna isn’t the only one with a penis clit. And if you need more from the queen of body building whores…Chyna. Oh Oh Oh check this body builder chick out. She fucks a fucking mop while she’s cleaning her bathroom.

If bodybuilders aren’t your thing then it’s okay…I got something for you too. How about just getting some action at the gym. No manly women…just good ole fuckin and suckin in a place that bodybuilders attend? Work for you? I thought it would. enjoy Oh wait! You have to watch hot asian volleyball players abusing naked asian guys. Good stuff.

Can you dig it? If so, you’ll appreciate these bowling porn videos.

If you love candid boy-girl sex outdoors, check out this, this, and this. I also came across this interracial gay sex on the golf course. Yay for sporty whores!

Okay…I love me some reality porn. You got your dumb sluts getting picked up by the bangbus, The milfhunter tracking down sexy moms in the grocery store, and don’t forget your college sluts fucking at parties. I mean how can you not love porn when it brings it into reality. I mean they make you believe. If you have 200 bucks and a van. You can fuck a hot chick like this too. Every man’s dream right?

Well asian’s have something else in mind. They do somewhat of a retard version of reality porn. Not real life situations. More like asian stereotypes mixed in with porn. Take this first video, Martial Arts meets porn. Sounds great right. When I read it I expected to see some chick beating some dudes ass and then licking his wounds. Then he cums on her face and the world is a better place. But…no. It’s two chicks wearing kendo masks trying to test their skills of being still while another asian eats them out and fingers them. Yeah I know it sounds hot, but it’s not reality. I would have been happier seeing this video.

Now we move on to video 2. This one is a better step in the direction. It’s called Asian Mechanic Tunes up her man. This one sounded hot. I pictured her in her cover-alls and she tears them off as she sucks a fat cock in the auto body shop with cars all around or something. But…no. It’s a chick wearing a mechanic outfit that now has bright baby blue colors on it. I mean if that doesn’t say mechanic I don’t know what does. Then…there’s no cars…no shop…nothing. Just a dude that sits on a couch and gets a blowjob. Well they do fuck and she makes sure to keep the reality porn obvious by keeping on her “I’m a mechanic” cocked to the side baseball hat. Step in the right direction, but come on people.

Video 3 is the asian take on a schoolgirl reality porn. You know where the teacher makes the student suck his cock and then he spanks her and tells her if she tells he’ll flunk her out of high school. Yeah one of my favorites too. Well this isn’t like that so I hope you didn’t get excited. This is an all girls school classroom. The teacher comes in and tells them all to take off all their clothes…and stand up on the desk. They do…and at the end they look like asian nazi army members standing on a desk with hairy pussies. Well that’s what it made me think of. I know I’m fucked up. Regardless. Another shitty attempt at the reality porn. Come on now. I mean how can you guys be 10 years ahead of us technology wise, but so far behind with the quality of porn. So sad.

Okay this one isn’t really porn but it’s real “reality” mixed in with some asian sluts that take off their clothes in a public photo booth. I just through that one in there for fun. I mean who doesn’t like watching the inner slut come out in a photo booth.