Archive for the 'jackoff' Category

Recess…

school

I miss school. I never got to go a Catholic School, but lucky for me I had plenty of sluts to go around. I miss being able to skip 2nd period because I was fucking in the science lab. That’s when I garnered the obsession with skirts. I would pull my dick out of my pants, and she would move her panties off to the side. I would slide right in, and I would cum in a petrie dish. I was once told that this chick examined my gizz under a microscope, and 9 months later she became pregnant. I don’t think it was a coincidence. One thing inevitably leads to another, and every Friday I was banging cheerleaders. I loved when they wore their outfits to school and Friday was game day. Man, maybe I need to go back to school. Can I go get a second high school diploma? Is that possible? I should probably just stick to finding high school seniors on myspace… Anyhow, here’s all you need to get you through to the end of the semester. Enjoy.

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Posted by   Toph

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Girl of the Week… Eve Angel

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Where to start? Eve has been around for a little while, and yet I still can’t stop looking at her. She’s so hot it makes my balls hurt. Seriously, they hurt. I may need to go and get this looked at. It’s not normal, is it? Well, regardless, it’s worth it, because Eve is amazing. She’s a fucking hot Hungarian, who loves to be naked. Isn’t that what we all want: hot, naked Hungarians? Honestly, Eve Angel is arguably the first Hungarian I have ever seen, but if this is a sign of the women there, then I’m moving to Hungry. Think of the limitless amount of Hungry jokes I could use. Eve started fucking at about 17, and we in America had to wait one more year before we could watch it. My favorite thing about Eve is that while she enjoys modeling right now, she aspires to be an archaeologist (note, it’s spelled wrong in the bio:). Cute isn’t it? Dream on Eve, but for right now we’re going to go ahead and excavate your vag. For your viewing pleasure, here’s a mecca of Eve galleries. Just a warning, there may be pop-ups, and there may be spam. I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through them all. Suffice it say, after the second gallery I was finished. Also, for a special treat, and because she’s my favorite, here’s her first screen test. Her pleasure-love sounds may resemble a goat being slaughtered, but seriously, who doesn’t love that?

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Posted by   Toph

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Girl of the Week… Planet Katie

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I have got to find the planet that Katie lives on. Is there a ship that takes me there? Can I drive there? Do I need a passport to get there? What ever it takes, I will be willing to do it, because I have got to fuck Planet Katie. It doesn’t matter what she does or wears, because she is so damn hot. I like to think of her as every man’s dream or at the very least, my dream. She can be blond, brunette, an office slut, a schoolgirl whore, a sexy nurse, just wearing a skirt and thong, or jeans and a tee shirt, and it doesn’t fuckin’ matter. She’s like a sexy chameleon. I’m usually not one to want to fuck reptiles, with the exception of when I saw Mario Bros. the movie, but I don’t mind what Katie is doing… ever. Wait… yeah, remember Mario Bros. the movie? Well there was one chick in Dinohattan that was so damn hot. I wanted to fuck her until she shed her lizard skin. Yes, I was in the 6th grade when it came out, but I was an early bloomer. I thought I should clear that up for you. Anyhow, I present you with the hotness known as Planet Katie. She’s special, and you should beat to her. I’m going to do that……… now.

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Posted by   Toph

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I’m the next American Idol

paula

For the past 6 years I have debated on whether or not I should try out for American Idol. I’m not the best of singers, but I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t pretty fucking sexy. Isn’t that what really counts anyways? I mean, most of those kids are no talent ass-clowns, but they get to Hollywood based on their looks. Each year some one asks, “Toph, are you going to try out for American Idol?” And each year I respond, “No, I’m going to be fucking.” Yes, fucking is more important to me than winning American Idol. Well, that was until a few years ago when it was announced that Paula Abdul had sex with one of the contestants. Why wasn’t I made aware that I could Rush Rush into Paula’s vag? Or, that we could take two steps forward and one step back in the bedroom? Those are the only Paula Abdul songs I know, sorry. We all know that she loves her some weed, at least it appears so. After hearing that story, I figured that I, like Paula, could blend both my love for American Idol and my love for pokin’. Then from out of the skies, I found Desperate Popstars. I love desperate chicks. These chicks may be the worst singers ever, and isn’t that the best part of American Idol anyways? They are also really fuckin’ hot, and have lots of sex. There may not be a better combination, but yes, there’s more. The two dudes sound like Borat mixed with a donkey. Think about it. So, let’s recap, shall we? Bad singers, Borat, hot chicks, fucking, and Paula Abdul naked… oh wait… never mind.

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Posted by   Toph

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A Very Important Call…

Cum in mouth talking on phone

I really love me some Japanese Porn. I mean half the time I don’t understand why some of the weird shit they do would be called hot, but regardless I love how creative they are. For instance this video I found today. A few guys cum in this japanese teens mouth, and she holds it there. Nope that’s not the end of it. She holds it there while she talks to someone on the phone. I don’t speak japanese, but I think the conversation went something like this.

Daughter: Hey Mom…gurgle gurgle
Mom: Stop talking with your mouth full!
Daughter: I can’t help it…it taste so good. I can’t stop…gurgle gurgle
Mom: What are you eating?
Daughter: This new gravy my friends made…gurgle gurgle
Mom: Bring me home some…I want to try it.
Daughter: Shit I got some in my eye!…gurgle gurgle

I love crazy asians. But if asian crazyness isn’t enough for you check out this video of a mom who cares more about her man cumming than her kid crying. That’s my kinda woman.

Posted by   CrackaAss

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