May Day reminds me of the cult-y British film from the 70s, The Wicker Man. Remember that one? Does pagan fertility pole dancing, sacrifice, and nude chicks ring a bell? How about that crazy ass song “And on that tree there was a limb; And on that limb there was a branch; And on that branch there was a nest; And in that nest there was an egg; And in that egg there was a bird; And from that bird a feather came; And of that feather was
A bed…”

Whatevs. On to the nudie film shots from the original Wicker Man.

Haven’t watched the original in a while? Rent it, bitch. It’s so much better than the remake. Britt Ekland plays the landlord’s daughter in The Wicker Man. In the scene shown above, this highly sexual pagan slut performs a nude dance in her room. She sings and pounds the walls with her nubile breasts and fingers. Her whore energy wakes up the cop in the next room. Loves it.

If you have a clip of this nude dance, please link me to it. I’ve been looking for it for a god damn hour, and I’m dying to watch it. Thanks in advance, pornzio peeps!

Every week I try to bring you guys the hottest girl on the internet, and I’m pretty proud of how well I do it. I mean, I beat to my own post. Actually, when writing, if I don’t beat to it, then I’m not going to post it. I wouldn’t want to do you that disservice. We’re here to keep you whacking. Well, on most days, that is. All is relatively slow in the hot girl world today. I haven’t seen many new chicks that I should alert you about, so instead, I’m bringing you some ugly ones. Why? Think of it as training. We can’t all go home with the hottest chicks, so you have to prepare for the ugly ones. I don’t want you get the wrong idea here. I’m not giving you atrociously horrendous chicks. Wouldn’t that be fucked up? (and kind of funny for me) No, I’m bringing you chicks that are like, “Damn, you’re ugly. You shouldn’t be ugly, though. Why are you ugly? It doesn’t make sense. Here, let me beat to you and see if you’re ugly. Yep, you’re ugly, but I’d fuck you.” I’ve actually had this happen many times in life. With that said, enjoy the ugos.

When you’ve had enough of the ugos, go here, here and here. Remember: God don’t like ugly.

Where to start? Eve has been around for a little while, and yet I still can’t stop looking at her. She’s so hot it makes my balls hurt. Seriously, they hurt. I may need to go and get this looked at. It’s not normal, is it? Well, regardless, it’s worth it, because Eve is amazing. She’s a fucking hot Hungarian, who loves to be naked. Isn’t that what we all want: hot, naked Hungarians? Honestly, Eve Angel is arguably the first Hungarian I have ever seen, but if this is a sign of the women there, then I’m moving to Hungry. Think of the limitless amount of Hungry jokes I could use. Eve started fucking at about 17, and we in America had to wait one more year before we could watch it. My favorite thing about Eve is that while she enjoys modeling right now, she aspires to be an archaeologist (note, it’s spelled wrong in the bio:). Cute isn’t it? Dream on Eve, but for right now we’re going to go ahead and excavate your vag. For your viewing pleasure, here’s a mecca of Eve galleries. Just a warning, there may be pop-ups, and there may be spam. I’m sorry, but I didn’t go through them all. Suffice it say, after the second gallery I was finished. Also, for a special treat, and because she’s my favorite, here’s her first screen test. Her pleasure-love sounds may resemble a goat being slaughtered, but seriously, who doesn’t love that?

If you’re interested in candid male nudes, check out AllCandid. What I like best about the site is how they categorize their different candid niches. You don’t have to search for locker room sets if that’s what you’re looking for.

Their site isn’t super slick in design. Yet, their amateur collection speaks for itself. They’ve been gathering real amateur, voyeur, and candid male nudes for over 7 years.

I came across this Perry Gallagher photograph today, and was very impressed. His lighting is almost as provoking as his fetishy subject matter and tattooed babes. This photo makes me want to update my profile on ALT.com so that I can find a beautiful submissive of my own…

There aren’t a huge number of quality gay fetish sites that feature amateur spanking videos. BoyFetish has won Cybersocket’s Best Leather and Fetish Site Award four years in a row. It’s unique, authentic, and hard to watch if you’re not into the bdsm lifestyle.

I remember the first time I got spanked. 5 dominatrix women from San Francisco beat my ass until it was black and blue. I had a corporate job at the time, and I couldn’t even sit down. It was awesome.

If you like watching men get their ass spanked, jerk off to this, this, and this. If you’d rather watch a girls’ ass turn black and blue, watch this.

If you’re into nude amateur guys in tube socks and Nike’s, then Gay-Jeremy is your boy. I came across some of these pics, and kept saying “dude that’s so gay.” [see pic] What can you say, though? He’s French and obsessed with tube socks. Ooh la la.

Check out franksweatyfoot’s photos of flickr for more tube sock smut.

I love big natural boobs just as much as everyone else, but this pic scares me. I have a recurring nightmare that Susie Sparks tries to smothers me with her 66 inch breasts. This pic shows her going in for the kill. Mommy?

Death by Juggs…what a way to go!

As sick as this looks, I’d be happy to lick the wine off of Yanna’s naked body. Can you imagine using that pussy as a chalice? Mamamia!

I’m already drunk off of the idea.

If I can give the young folks that look at porn all day some life altering advice it will be this. Become a photographer. I mean think about it. If you’re a photographer, that’s any good, everyone wants you to take their picture. And when I say everyone I mean everyone. Hot models, good girls next door, the milf next door. And if you have any kind of nudes in your portfolio you open yourself up fot those same hot ladies to ask you to take their nude photos. Which obviously leads to setting up the camera on a tripod and making it take photos every 10 seconds as you start to pound her right there. I mean it just happens. Take a look at TAkaci Hirano’s portfolio. He’s just a normal 25 year old photographer in japan. That ladies just say “hey, will you take a picture of my hairy pussy?” He says yes obviously. Then he bangs them. I mean it doesn’t say that in his bio or anything, but I know how it works.

You want to be a photographer. Just look at how good these guys have turned out.

Yatsutani Taizo
Geoffroy de Boismenu
Naomi Kaltman
Patrick Demarchelier
Patrick de Warren
Norbert Guthier