“Oh Lela you… are my blowjob Star…”

If I could sing as well as Lela Star gives head, I’d sound like a cross between Axel Rose and Celine Dion. Think about it.

Enjoy your last day before the holiday, bitches!

And I like it. Cody Lane is just filthy, but isn’t that what you want in a fuck?

She’s not the most fit girl, and really, she’s not the hottest chick you’ve ever seen.
But, when she starts fingerbanging herself it’s like when the ugly duckling becomes a swan.

Well, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s more like when the thick, kinda hot chick becomes a whore, which, in hindsight, isn’t that better?

I think so.

Plus, she sucks dick like a fuckin’ champ.

Check out MadThumbs for more fuckin’.

It’s Friday, and you know what that means!! It’s POV time!

This week’s contestant on POV Friday is the blond sexpot from Texas, Bree Olson.

Bree sucks a mean dick. Mean dicks are different than nice or normal dicks. Mean dicks will punch you in the mouth.

I’d like to introduce Bree to my mean dick. We’d play a little game. It’d be called, Can I Last In Your Mouth For 10 Seconds?

I’d lose every fucking time.

Millions of Peachez… Peachez for me… Millions of Peachez for a free (well, at least here she’s free).

Another chick that caught my over the last week was Sarah Peachez. (I’m going to go ahead and use every obvious joke here, so brace yourself…)

I wanted to open her up and find her seed.
No?
I wanted to bite into fuzzy skin and taste her juices.
Still no?
I wanted to slice her up, put her in a can and eat her for an afternoon snack.
Right… let’s just look at her naked, then!

UPDATE! After discussing it with some peeps, we’ve decided these photos do Peachez no justice. (Dear Sarah, hire new photographers!) Here’s what she looked like when she passed me by. I can’t get her hotness out of my head! She’s on the right, thanks, again, FUBAR.

Sorry I’ve been gone so long, friends, but my eyes were seeing the Promise Land. Yes, that’s correct, I saw Sunny Leone and Little Lupe touching each other while wet in a pool.

It’s been about 3 days since, and I’m still rocking a gigantagor boner!

It’s about time these two sexy panthers got together for my benefit.

Thanks, XBiz and FUBAR (I did not do a good job of avoiding terrible photos of myself, bastards)… Now I’m off to beat it!

Cause you should be. James Deen is the guy you’ve never heard of, but have always had the unfortunate pleasure of blowing your load to at the worst moment when his dick appears on screen (Noo… no…. splurg!).

There is nothing I hate worse than blowing my load when a dude’s peen takes center stage. It’s like a failed beat session.

Speaking of, every morning in San Francisco, I pass The Beat Museum. It’s on Broadway and is for The Beat Generation of Kerouac, Ginsberg, etc. I laugh, shit you not, every fucking time I pass The Beat Museum. And, the fact that there was an entire generation dedicated to Beating fucking slays me.

What was I talking about? Oh, read James Deen’s blog. It’s genius and he posts photos of his dick inside of pornstars.

Finally, we can see what it would have been like had the cameras been on Adam West the person, instead of Adam West the Batman.

Cause y’all bitches know he was fuckin’ everybody. I mean, if you were the Caped Crusader, wouldn’t you have been tagging Catwoman, Batgirl and Poison Ivy? Not mention Vikki Vale… Vik, Vik, Vikki Vale.

Maybe that’s why I’m so excited about Batman XXX – Porn Parody from Vivid. Hell, I started beating to the trailer, and there’s no nudity.

Damn, I’m so pumped to see Tori Black as Catwoman.

Be serious, how many of y’all weirdos want to see Bruce Wayne and Alfred tag team Catwoman while Robin beats off in the corner? I know I do!

What the fuck does Sexy Asian Yum Yums mean? Hell if I know, but I like it.

Charmane Star is ridicuhot. I want to stick my crab so far up her wonton that cream cheese pours out. That’s how hot she is!

Wait, how hot is Charmane Star? She’s so hot I’d let her punch me in the asshole just so I could fuck her. That’s how hot she is!

Wait… wait… how hot is Charmane Star? I’d fuck her little Asian grandma just to tell my friends that I fuck the woman who gave birth to the woman who gave birth to Charmane Star. Yes! That’s how hot she is!

Find more Asian sexy time HERE

If there’s one chick who, hands down, every time makes my dick point North, it’s Eva Angelina. She’s ball-dropping hot, sucks a mean dick and has a vagina that’s unlocked 4 mysteries of the world.

She actually left porn in for a bit (eff you, boyfriend), went to school and worked at Macaroni Grill in SoCal.

How she hasn’t made this into a film yet, is beyond me. Who doesn’t want to see Eva in a sexy Macaroni Grill uniform getting plowed by everyone from the busboys to her shift manager.

And, what if you’re working at Macaroni Grill at that time? Is there anyway you can live with yourself if you didn’t fuck her? Of course not. Well, lucky for the rest of us, we can continue to beat to her whenever we’d like. Never leave us again, Eva.

Photo Galleries

Videos

Links – 1, 2, 3, 4

No, seriously. Mary Carey is selling her beloved implants on Ebay. It’s not a hoax. The current bid is $12,526.33! If you won, you could feel her up anytime you wanted.

Bidding ends on December 13th, folks. Go for it!

Mary recently said “Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state….I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

I’ve had a crush on Mary Carey for hella long. Ever since she mistook me for a plumper pornstar at the kick off party for Could You Be a Pornstar in Vegas. *sigh*