That’s right, folks. I’d like to take a brief moment to review some of the most awesome (the worst, really) possible sex. You know sometimes the best porn is the type you can pass around to your friends and scream “eww” over. If you can add to our list, please do so in the comments section. You don’t have to admit that you did it, as you’re amongst friends here. I’ll add video examples, for your viewing pleasure.
Scary Rad Sex (in no mother fucking order)…
1. Messy Anal and Sharting
2. Tampon Surprise
3. Oops You Have a Dick Too
4. Sharp Teeth on Dick
5. Oops I Got Horny & Fucked a Rubber Chicken
6. Oops I found Jesus after this Hardcore Scene
7. Oh snap, you put our sex tape on the internet!
8. Eating Your Own Jizz is Kinda Nasty
9. Cum Shot in Eye aka Pink Eye
10. Pornstar Bloopers During Shoot aka Outtakes
11. Drunk Chicks Barfing During Sex
12. Homeless People Sex
I’ve dated those prude girls before. You know the ones that you have to beg to go down on you, would never let you even touch the outside of their butthole, and that gag even at the thought of tasting your cum. Yeah well for some reason now that I’m older I forgot those kinda girls existed. Especially in this “the more whore I am the more people will like me” world we live in. So when I saw this video it brought back a lot of memories. Memories of chick’s I hated and wanted to skull fuck….but still. Memories.
She hates cum Video
It’s not everyday that porn can actually make you hungry. Sure it’ll make you horny, you’ll have crazy wild woman punch me in the face sex, and then you’ll be hungry and have to munch on something. But how often do you look at a snatch and think “mmmm a big mac would really hit the spot right now.” I really had to give this pussy burger a double take. It just screamed McDonalds to me. So I dubb thee McDonald’s new McSnatch.
Lets not let the fun stop there. Now we’d like to introduce Wienerschnitzel’s famous All Beef Plumper Dog. As you can see above Amanda likes her dog pretty simple. A little mustard and ketchup and she’s ready to gobble this dog deep down her throat.
Now you know you can’t eat all this food without something to flush it down with. How about a 7eleven Super Big Gulp of only the finest California Cum. It’s been freshly brewed and has received numerous taste tasting awards. If you’re still hungry for the flesh, be sure to read up on The Taste of Porn. And if you’re more the healthy type, why not try a little sushi? Enjoy the meal and if you’ve got more food for me link to it in the comments.
The models have incredible skills. Extreme blowjobs built for full shaft lovin’ is rad. These ladies are stuffed to pack in every inch ya got (plus some).
What kind of world are we living in where they can’t list this special training on their resume.
There’s not much that men have over women. I mean women live longer, tend to be smarter, have a lot less body hair, can always get a free drink when they want one, but men still have their gloreous cumshot. I mean they may not always seem glorious to the viewer or the woman, but to us it’s our time to prove that we’re your king. Now lay back and take it in the face! I mean there is no greater pleasure. I mean there are some women out there that can squirt you in the eye, but I’m yet to see the Peter North of squirts.
With all that being said…there are some weird fucking guys out there. That or maybe I’m fucking boring. For me a cumming all over her face and watching it drip down is hot. Shit…even just in her mouth and watching her swallow. That shit’s hot to me. And of course you can’t help the…I can’t take it anymore…gotta pull out and cum on your ass…cumshots. Those are good to. I’ve just seen a lot of pics and videos lately that just take that to a whole other level. For instance:
Wow…I came all over your foot. We got all sweaty…and nasty…and now I want to get close to your stank feet. No thanks.
The boots are hot I’ll give you that. And hey…maybe he shot for her stomach…and it just didn’t have the power captain.
Umm…I don’t even know what to say to that. Some people like pubes…others like arm pit cumshots. What can you do?
Why would I want to cum into a cup and watch you drink it? Just open your mouth, and I’ll watch it from there. Now you just have to wash another glass.
Well I like to pound my girl and sometimes make it hurt, but I don’t want her blind. I mean sometimes I want her to be able to fucking drive me home when I’m drunk.
Again I’m speechless.
Not all women like this whole cumshot superior thing. And don’t fuck with a girl that just got her hair done. Click to watch this video
Wanna See More Random Cumshots? Check out these sites:
Jizz on Glasses
Pink Eye Sluts
A lil Cum Swappin
have fun with that.
I know it’s been awhile since my last free porn friday, but it was christmas. I was busy opening all the porn dvds I had waiting for me under the christmas tree. But to make up for it today I would like showcase an art. You can think of Pornzio as an art gallery and today’s style is an expressive gooey substance. Today we showcase “the art” of facials.
This truely is an artform. It’s all about 3 things: Aim, Amount, and Facial Reactions from the person getting jizzed all over. The AAF factor if you will. This is what I mean by this. You can have your Peter North cumshots that totally cover a girl’s face where you can’t even recognize her anymore. Impressive? Yes? Yes! Very! But then you also have the quick shooter. Who doesn’t have to shoot a lot of cum all over her, but he does catch her off guard. She’s just sucking away thinking about where she parked her car when WWWHHHAAAMMMMMMM!!!!! she gets a quick shot of cum straight in the eye. Obviously, she freaks. Her eyes get huge and she tries to hold in the pain, she starts to scream “it burns…it burns”, or she starts laughing as the cum drips off of her face. I mean this kind of reactions are classic. And as I said before, an artform.
Here are some classic moments in Facial Cumshot History.
More of Peter North’s Massive Cumshot
art1 P Pronunciation Key (ärt) n.
1.Human effort to imitate, supplement, alter, or counteract the work of nature.
2. a. The conscious production or arrangement of sounds, colors, forms, movements, or other elements in a manner that affects the sense of beauty, specifically the production of the beautiful in a graphic or plastic medium.
b. The study of these activities.
c. The product of these activities; human works of beauty considered as a group.
3. High quality of conception or execution, as found in works of beauty; aesthetic value.
Being and artist and a photographer myself. I’d like to think I know what art is. And I’d like to think that there is just one basic principle that differentiates porn from art. You jack off to porn. I mean I don’t know a lot of people that jack off to a Picasso or VanGogh, but I know for a fact they jack off to Raven Riley and Dangerous Dongs. Seriously, calling it art is just an excuse you tell your girlfriend so she’ll let you take really close up pics of you cumming in her mouth. Isn’t it?
I mean I didn’t read anything about getting off or getting hard when you see art…up there in the definition. Did you? Maybe that’s what’s missing from the art scene. Sex sells. We all know this. So museums around the world listen up. Fuck King Tut! We need some hardcore cumshot paintings all through the halls. Every high school kid in the world will be begging their parents to take them to the museum. Parents will be proud cause they think their kid is just smarter than the other kids. When really he is just obsessed with putting his dick in Suzie, the girl down the street’s ass. And he wants to do some research. Either way. ART vs PORN. Who cares. If you can jack off to it. Have fun.
I ran across this site the other day. And I have to say “God Damn” I was horny as fuck by the time I got through just a few of the galleries. Check it out for yourself and tell me if you think it’s Porn or Art.
Completely Naked (Intimacy)
Just a few I liked (and jacked off to):
After reading this article over at the Northwest Kidney Center it made me scared for every pornstar that’s ever worked with the master Peter North. Could he have single handedly been causing kidney problems for women all these years. Apparently. A bit from the article:
Proteins need to be broken down by the body into amino acids, and waste products filtered out of the bloodstream and excreted. Eating too much protein is believed to put too much strain on the body’s ability to deal with waste products, particularly in people who already have a kidney problem.
Basically this man has been shooting massive loads of protein all over and in girls for decades. Just look at some of these loads below. One is how does a girl consume that much spunk, and the other is how does this man produce a milk carton worth of cum. At least one of those secrets have made their way on the street. He has pills. Like fucking pornstar steroids that make you shoot massive loads. So beware ms. new female pornstar. Beware.
To all the female pornstars out there that have dealt with Mr. Peter North’s massive cum glory. I’d like to send you a free bottle of cranberry juice just to make sure your kidneys stay safe.
More cum than you can swallow in one gulp
I realized today that I don’t put enough gay posts on Pornzio. So for today I figured I’d start with a Massive Amount of Goo. Our friends over at Fleshbot.com found this gay porn site and it has it all. Here’s what they say about themselves: “The GooGabberTM blogs, blabs, babbles and busts about gay porn, gay porn stars, and all things gay in the only blog you can flog your log to! Where Political Correctness takes a back seat to Cock ‘n’ Balls!
Fleshbot is a big fan and had this to say about JuicyGoo: In case you don’t check for updates at the inestimable JuicyGoo as obsessively as we do, we thought we’d let you know that there’s a new collection of amateur twink photos up as of this week, thus bringing the total of wankworthy galleries on the site to somewhere near the umptyjillion mark. If you’ve never visited the site before, we promise it’ll take you at least through the weekend to click through the archives to check out what you’ve been missing all this time—assuming your wrist holds up, that is,
JuicyGoo: Gay Porn Picture Gallery
If that’s not enough for you…there are always the hardcore videos over at Boyscasting.com