Okay…I love me some reality porn. You got your dumb sluts getting picked up by the bangbus, The milfhunter tracking down sexy moms in the grocery store, and don’t forget your college sluts fucking at parties. I mean how can you not love porn when it brings it into reality. I mean they make you believe. If you have 200 bucks and a van. You can fuck a hot chick like this too. Every man’s dream right?

Well asian’s have something else in mind. They do somewhat of a retard version of reality porn. Not real life situations. More like asian stereotypes mixed in with porn. Take this first video, Martial Arts meets porn. Sounds great right. When I read it I expected to see some chick beating some dudes ass and then licking his wounds. Then he cums on her face and the world is a better place. But…no. It’s two chicks wearing kendo masks trying to test their skills of being still while another asian eats them out and fingers them. Yeah I know it sounds hot, but it’s not reality. I would have been happier seeing this video.

Now we move on to video 2. This one is a better step in the direction. It’s called Asian Mechanic Tunes up her man. This one sounded hot. I pictured her in her cover-alls and she tears them off as she sucks a fat cock in the auto body shop with cars all around or something. But…no. It’s a chick wearing a mechanic outfit that now has bright baby blue colors on it. I mean if that doesn’t say mechanic I don’t know what does. Then…there’s no cars…no shop…nothing. Just a dude that sits on a couch and gets a blowjob. Well they do fuck and she makes sure to keep the reality porn obvious by keeping on her “I’m a mechanic” cocked to the side baseball hat. Step in the right direction, but come on people.

Video 3 is the asian take on a schoolgirl reality porn. You know where the teacher makes the student suck his cock and then he spanks her and tells her if she tells he’ll flunk her out of high school. Yeah one of my favorites too. Well this isn’t like that so I hope you didn’t get excited. This is an all girls school classroom. The teacher comes in and tells them all to take off all their clothes…and stand up on the desk. They do…and at the end they look like asian nazi army members standing on a desk with hairy pussies. Well that’s what it made me think of. I know I’m fucked up. Regardless. Another shitty attempt at the reality porn. Come on now. I mean how can you guys be 10 years ahead of us technology wise, but so far behind with the quality of porn. So sad.

Okay this one isn’t really porn but it’s real “reality” mixed in with some asian sluts that take off their clothes in a public photo booth. I just through that one in there for fun. I mean who doesn’t like watching the inner slut come out in a photo booth.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love stolen sex tapes? I do. I live for celebrity sex scandals. And this Britney/K-Fed/Honeymoon sex video (that was pre-weight gain) has me in a tizzy. Like a lot of surfers, I’ve been doing my regular search on user posted video sites for the Britney tape. Nada.

The minute I have a clip of it, and determine that it’s not fake, I’ll post it here. Bookmark us so that you don’t miss out.

My prediction is that Britney will follow the road paved by other female celebrities involved with sex scandal before her. She’ll weigh licensing the sex tape with Kevin Federline over paying him more in the divorce settlement…and choose porn. Then she’ll make money on the dl and deny it to the public. Hell, Britney will probably cry on tv about the whole experience and tell her fans that she never knew about the tape or the celebrity sites who sell it. Britney’s next album will get a boost from the extra press. Look what it did for Paris Hilton!

So you see, everyone wins with a juicy celebrity sex scandal. …porn site producers, celebrities, the stupid boyfriend, and the public. I love you Britney! Please let us see your honeymoon sex tape!

As I watch this I’m standing up and clapping my hands. I mean Guage does a fucking handstand and plops her asshole right on this ugly fucker’s…wearing socks…cock. That is fucking impressive. Bravo…Bravo!
Handstand Anal Fucking Video

Okay this one is a little weird just because there is no sound.  But that’s okay, CrackaAss will help you out.  I like to call this…80′s meets horrible plot porno in japan.

The asian nurse in the middle…we’ll call her Meg (cause that’s real japanese) is the RN.  She’s going to teach the wannabe nurses how to revive a flacid penis.  The man lying on the bed has been in coma for the past 6 years.  The doctors have realized that if they don’t make this man cum that he’s going to die.

Luckily Meg has been trained in the art of “swallowsmallcock” which may be the only thing that can help this man.   So Meg begins the procedure.  She gets going, and you can’t really tell from the video, but this guys cock gets hard.  The blur kinda fucks that…but you can tell from how happy the other nurses are and how they begin to nod their heads.  So Megs going at and then all of a sudden she yells to a nurse “GIVE ME A RAG!” this dudes cum taste like shit.  Meg expected this since she’s been feeding him nothing but shitty hospital food through a tube…but still.  It’s a whole different ball game when it’s actually in your mouth.

So Meg feels good about herself.  She just saved a man’s life but sucking on some cock, and the world is a better place.  Dude’s still in a coma but hey…at least he got some.  The End

Watch the video for yourself

Ever thought of painting with your dick? Apparently Tim Patch beat you to it. The painter even calls himself “Pricasso.”

Tim considers himself to be the world’s greatest penile artist. Skeptical? Check out this video of him panting with his dick. You can view all of his penis paintings here. If you have $300 extra bucks lying around, Tim’s paintings are for sale, too.

Jordan Capri, who’s mostly avoided hardcore, recently had her honeymoon sex tape stolen by a “friend.” Bad for her but good for you! If you’ve ever imagined this cutie fucking hardcore, it’s time for you to watch this video clip and sign up to Jordan’s site…NOW!

Did it all start with Rappin Granny or Blue Iris from the Howard Stern show? GILF stands for “Grandmother I’d Like to Fuck.” It seems to be fucking everywhere these days.

I swear to god, I’m not searching for GILF action. It’s really NOT my thing. Yet it seems like every time I’m searching for smokin MILF vids, depraved granny videos pop up instead. ack! Even my strap-on seems to get less hard when I come across it. [Drooooooooooop]

For most of us, GILF action the type of niche you watch with your buddies. You gross them out with it. …watching it only to say “aww Sick. Wait. Look at this one. It’s worse! Granny, what are you doing with that zucchini?”

Ok. No judgment here. If you happen to be into saggy boobs, liver spots, and super saggy pussy, then look at Ask Your Granny or Granny’s Place. And to the noobs: just make sure you know what you’re getting into. Once you’ve seen some of this stuff, you’ll never look at Grandma the same way.

Olga’s pulling aside the panty crotch to show a happy clam. Awww

Panties aren’t just for teasing anymore, you know. For many, they’re the destination. You can buy juicy panties for $40 these days. Beyond that, there are tons of sites that specialize in cotton panty videos and photographs.

Remember Guys: Every $20 whore with vd goes camo, but the good girl next door always wears panties! Marinate on that for a minute as you watch this, this, and this.

As I was paging through XXL today, I came across this smokin Video Hoe. Video Hoes are those bionic babes that drop it like it’s hot in rap music videos. This reminds me of of something the great Snoop Dogg said, “without hoes life would be fucked up.”

So true. God bless all the Video Hoes.

This particular video hoe is named Erica. She’s was featured in Big Boi’s “Kryptonite (I’m on It),” Juvenile’s “Rodeo,” Bubba Sparxxx’s “Ms. New Booty” and Biggie’s “Spit Your Game.” 34C-24-38, goddamnit. That body is no joke.

Then there’s the ultra-fly ebony model slash Video Hoe La’Shontae Heckard…

La’Shontae is in Fat Joe & Nelly’s “Get it Poppin,” Dru Hill’s “I Should Be,” Busta Rhymes & Mariah Carey’s “Give It To Me,” 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop,” Ludacris & DTP’s “Growing Pains RMX” Gucci Mane Feat. Young Jeazy’s “So Icy,” and Kanye West’s “Golddigger.” She’s clearly made a career out of being the hot chick in videos.

I really hope the next step for these chicks is porn. Is that so wrong? The music they could license for the adult videos would be hot. Ladies, let me be your manager…

Leave it to the lesbians to come up with creative penetration techniques. I recently came across some lesbian toe fucking movies and mutual toe masturbation mpegs that were super hot. I don’t really have a foot fetish, but something about dipping a toe into a cute pussy is exciting.

Now I know what to do when my toes get cold. Pussy toe cozy! Genius.